A One-Act Play Adapted for Radio Performance
By Donna Sanders
Dramatis Personae
NARRATOR
CALIGULA: Successor to Tiberius in the Roman imperial line. Malignant, capricious and by all appearances unstable.
AGRIPPINILLA: The emperor Caligula’s eldest sister. A sly, ambitious woman intent on securing power for her infant son.
DRUSILLA: Favorite sister of Caligula. Compassionate by nature and deeply devoted to her brother.
MARCUS LEPIDUS: Drusilla’s husband in a marriage of convenience. A savvy politician and patriot; jealous of his wife’s attachment to the emperor. (Not to be confused with the Lepidus of the 2nd triumvirate)
JULIA: Caligula’s youngest sister. Flirtatious and rather lackadaisical.
Setting and historical note: The following story takes place in 1st century Rome, during the reign of Gaius Julius Caesar, colloquially known as Caligula. The year is approximately 38 CE.
SCENE I.
NARRATOR: With a swift, anxious tread, comely Drusilla proceeded through the lavish halls and chambers of the new mansion on Palatine Hill. Under other circumstances, she might have been waylaid by any one of the two-score retainers that her brother the emperor routinely kept on hand. Most everyone knew that Gaius Caesar’s second sister was by far the gentlest member of the imperial family. Her sweet and indulgent smile drew petitioners like moths to a flame. But that morning she strode more quickly and frowned more deeply than usual. Even Agrippinilla, with all her quiet authority, struggled a moment to secure the girl’s undivided attention.
AGRIPPINILLA: Where are you off to, sister? Not visiting with the emperor again?
DRUSILLA: Our brother has lately been in a poor way. He doesn’t relish anyone’s company.
AGRIPPINILLA: (irony) Oh, but you aren’t just anyone, Drusilla. You are his pet and favorite, practically his idol…
DRUSILLA: I wish you wouldn’t take so unkindly to our intimacy. Caligula has always confided in me, since earliest childhood. You must know that.
AGRIPPINILLA: Yes. But as a child his confidences didn’t count for much. Not even the finest augurs imagined that stroppy, insolent boy would go on to lead Rome. And see now what a bloody mess he makes of it!
DRUSILLA: The demands of the throne have obliged Caligula—
AGRIPPINILLA: Oh, don’t blame the throne. He was born with a perfect aptitude for such deeds. You must look no further than the death of our poor father. One person and one person only was responsible for that tragedy.
DRUSILLA: (firmly) I won’t believe it.
AGRIPPINILLA: You’re too trusting, Drusilla. You permit your affection to blind you to the truth.
DRUSILLA: And what do you suggest? Really, Pina, it’s not as if we have any alternative. You know how he takes to criticism.
AGRIPINILLA: All of Rome knows how he takes to criticism. The last man to clasp his sandals had three knives in the back faster than he could stand up.
DRUSILLA: I am convinced that the weight of sovereignty has proved too much for him. His mind is beginning to suffer.
AGRIPPINILLA: That’s plain enough. Do you know what Vinicius told me last night? The emperor, he says, has become convinced of his own divinity. He plans to establish a personal cult of worship.
DRUSILLA: (irritated) That is a wretched piece of gossip. My brother would never openly tempt the gods’ displeasure.
AGRIPPINILLA: Already two freedmen have been mutilated for refusing to bow before their monarch as another Jove. Perhaps you wish to see the severed appendages?
DRUSILLA: Please, Pina. I do not like this talk–
AGRIPINILLA: Then I suggest you have a word with darling brother. Only be sure to address him properly.
DRUSILLA: He wouldn’t hurt me.
AGRIPPINILLA: (reflective) No, I don’t suppose he would. The rest of us, however, are as safe as sitting ducks.
DRUSILLA: I hope you aren’t referring to yourself. Caligula is devoted to his family— he considers it his highest duty to protect us.
AGRIPPINILLA: I can’t tell if you’re a half-wit, Drusilla, or merely an exceptional liar.
DRUSILLA: If you weren’t always so unkind—
AGRIPPINILLA: (urgent) Quiet now. It seems we’ve conjured him from the dust.
NARRATOR: Imperious tones and ominous footsteps sounded from around the bend.
CALIGULA: No, Lepidus, I won’t have it. How many times must I tell you? I swear, you become more troublesome by the day.
LEPIDUS: Not at all, Caesar. Naturally, we will arrange things as you like.
AGRIPPINILLA: (hushed, to Drusilla) If he takes that tone with your husband, I can only imagine what a brow-beating the senate will get this afternoon.
CALIGULA: Wait a bit! I must have a word with my sisters. Let your official business go hang!
LEPIDUS: (strained laughter) Of course.
NARRATOR: The young emperor was not much to look at, but he wore with dignity the penetrating gaze and narrow, pronounced features of his royal ancestors. As their brother approached, the two sisters exchanged an uneasy glance.
CALIGULA: Drusilla, my own! You haven’t heard yet, have you? Such a pity you didn’t stay with me last night.
DRUSILLA: (gently) I am sorry, brother. I didn’t realize you wanted me.
CALIGULA: What a dear little fool you are! You know very well that I always want you.
AGRIPPINILLA: (wry) That’s just what I was telling her, not a minute ago. All the world knows how desirable our Drusilla is.
CALIGULA: Now don’t be jealous, Pina. Not even Marcus Lepidus is jealous, and it’s his wife we’re appraising like a courtesan. (jocular) Isn’t that right, Lepidus? Wouldn’t you like to knock me senseless for all this shameful talk?
LEPIDUS: Far be it from me, Caesar, to wish any ill upon you.
CALIGULA: That is a very neat answer. I accept it.
AGRIPPINILLA: Oh, the man knows better than to speak carelessly. Surely he’s lived with this family long enough.
CALIGULA: Yes, Marcus Lepidus has always been my most devoted friend. For that reason I’ve decided to invest him in my priesthood.
LEPIDUS: (‘Playing along’) It is a very great honor.
DRUSILLA: But whatever can you mean, brother? You’re not thinking of replacing all the existing cults?
CALIGULA: Why should I bother with those petty drinking clubs? They’re all rotten from the inside out. Nothing fit for an emperor— nothing fit for a living god on earth!
DRUSILLA: (uneasy) I’m afraid I can’t understand you.
AGRIPINILLA: But don’t you see, Drusilla? Our brother has lately received his heavenly summons. He will henceforth rule with all the powers of Olympus.
CALIGULA: I spit upon your lousy Olympus. What need do I have for an old and sagging mountaintop? I have Rome— the greatest empire ever erected in the history of the world.
LEPIDUS: Why don’t you tell them, Caesar, about your visitations?
CALIGULA: I cannot say too much. Your mortal minds are incapable of enduring the strain.
AGRIPPINILLA: Of course, if you prefer to keep silent about it–
CALIGULA: (impatiently) You must know only one thing. Last night, while I sat up in bed, Capitoline Jove appeared in a blaze of gold and collapsed on his face before me. Oh, yes, I saw it! With my own eyes I saw it! Perhaps you don’t believe me? Don’t you, Drusilla?
DRUSILLA: Forgive me, brother, but I am quite speechless. It’s such an extraordinary occurrence. After all, not even the god Augustus was visited in the flesh–
CALIGULA: Augustus, that old wretch! I won’t stand for these insults.
DRUSILLA: I didn’t mean any insult, brother. Please, do not grow so excited. I see now that I’ve misunderstood. But nevermind me. If you say Jove anointed you, then who am I to disagree?
CALIGULA: (indulgent) Pretty Drusilla, you will learn in time to honor my new incarnation. I admit, it has been a trying metamorphosis. All night I was writhing in agony.
LEPIDUS: Very heroic of you, Caesar.
CALIGULA: I won’t deny that the suffering was immense. But by sheer force I overcame the limits of my human form, and at last the process is nearly complete. Only one task remains. I must marry– soon!
AGRIPINILLA: But you have already married three times. Surely one of those unions will suffice—
CALIGULA: Oh, I have no use for lowly, common wives such as any mortal dog can acquire. I require something more precious. My true companion will be another Juno. An empress who shares my blood as well as my throne.
LEPIDUS: (pointed) You mean you must marry a sister.
CALIGULA: It is a lucky thing, isn’t it Lepidus, that I have three to choose from.
DRUSILLA: But, brother… are you quite certain it can be done? What of the people? Surely they won’t look kindly on a marriage between siblings. Incest has always been considered a terrible evil.
LEPIDUS: This is true, Caesar. For all of her modern virtues, Rome is forever indebted to traditionalism.
CALIGULA: Then I will use my godly force to pull her into the light. She is my empire, and I know better than anyone how she must be ruled.
AGRIPPINILLA: (changing tactics) Goodness, brother! What inhuman fervor you command! Your godhead has thoroughly transformed you.
CALIGULA: Do you really think so, Pina? I was afraid it wouldn’t become apparent for some time.
AGRIPPINILLA: My lord, it is obvious in every way.
CALIGULA: What a shame, Drusilla dear, that you are not yet capable of perceiving my transformation. I do not value anyone else’s praise so highly.
AGRIPPINILLA: (shrilly) Oh, you mustn’t be disappointed in little sister! I’m afraid she always lacked something for cleverness—
CALIGULA: Unless, of course, Heaven has a crown in store for you, too. What do you say, Lepidus? Is it possible?
DRUSILLA: Caligula, I wouldn’t dare—
CALIGULA: No, Drusilla! I am asking your husband. He alone will not deceive me.
DRUSILLA: None of us desires to deceive you.
CALIGULA: (To Lepidus) Tell me, my friend, I beg of you. Will jealous Olympus permit two human gods to sit together on the imperial throne?
LEPIDUS: I— cannot say with any certainty, Caesar. Drusilla is very young still. Perhaps Agripinilla would better serve your interests—
CALIGULA: Pina, is it? Then it’s Pina you mean to sell me?
LEPIDUS: (nervously) My lord, I’m not selling anyone. I only suggested—
CALIGULA: What use do I have for your suggestions? You can be a terrible knave, Lepidus. I wonder why I put up with you. You’re lucky that Drusilla has such a pathetic heart. I cannot deny my Drusilla anything…
DRUSILLA: Thank you, brother.
CALIGULA: (peremptory) Now leave me, all of you, leave me! I require utter silence. I must make a visit to the upper realms. Perhaps some little godling will agree to advise me. This marriage business is so devilishly frustrating…
SCENE II.
NARRATOR: Later that same day, in a fragrant and richly-appointed suite of rooms, the Lady Agrippinilla reposed alongside her youngest sister, Julia Livilla. Leaning close together, the two women spoke softly, though not in whispers. Clearly they had long grown used to criticizing their brother’s dangerous folly.
AGRIPPINILLA: You’ve never seen anything like it. He sputters and rages like a madman. I suspect it will be permanent this time.
JULIA: So what if it is permanent? The senate wouldn’t dare move against him. They’re altogether too lazy.
AGRIPPINILLA: If you say so, then it must be true.
JULIA: Hinting at something, are we?
AGRIPPINILLA: There’s no need to hint. Everyone knows what a great friend you are to our esteemed senators.
JULIA: (slyly) Careful, dear. You wouldn’t want to fall out with the future empress. I am in the running, am I not? Caligula has recently expressed a certain fondness for me.
AGRIPPINILLA: Please. You’re no match for Drusilla. She can laugh in his royal face and he’ll still go on petting her. We ought to have suspected it. Even as children they were disgusting.
JULIA: Somehow I can’t picture Drusilla as empress. She’s too meek, too… ornamental. Power would crush her in an instant.
AGRIPPINILLA: Oh, there’s no doubt. My brother has got by with his ‘immovable rigor,’ or whatever nonsense, but Drusilla isn’t nearly strong enough. She thinks her angelic looks are a sure defense against all danger.
JULIA: They’ve served her well enough so far.
AGRIPPINILLA: Caligula has served her well. Without him she’s worth less than either of us. She doesn’t have a single friend in Rome.
JULIA: Now that’s not entirely true. Marcus Lepidus is devoted to her.
AGRIPPINILLA: (scornful) Marcus Lepidus. Beneath all that purple and bronze, Lepidus is nothing more than a child. He guards Drusilla like his special toy. It wouldn’t take much to disillusion him.
JULIA: I hope you aren’t thinking of meddling in their marriage.
AGRIPPINILLA: What is it to you? As I recall, marriage has never ranked high on your list of priorities. Only look at poor Vinicius.
JULIA: (sharply) Vinicius and I have an arrangement. We don’t ask questions and we don’t pick fights.
AGRIPPINILLA: Oh, nevermind your arrangement. It isn’t any business of mine.
JULIA: (Irony) And just what do you hope to achieve by spoiling our darling sister’s happiness?
AGRIPPINILLA: Frankly, I mean to spoil a lot more than her happiness. Drusilla is dead weight on my shoulders. I have no choice but to remove her.
JULIA: Do you really want to marry Caligula?
AGRIPPINILLA: I want to share his power. If I must begin by sharing his bed, then so be it. And don’t pretend you’re not completely in agreement.
JULIA: (playfully) Oh, I think I’ll cede my claim after all. I know better than to squabble with you, Pina. You’ve inherited great-grandmother’s chest of poisons.
AGRIPPINILLA: I haven’t, actually. But that’s no matter. Toxins are easily come by, if you know where to look. There is only one thing that troubles me.
JULIA: It wouldn’t be your conscience.
AGRIPPINILLA: Caligula may be delirious, but he has the keenest mind for intrigue that I’ve ever observed. If it comes to tragedy, he’ll spare no effort in hunting down the culprit.
JULIA: Then you must be sure to cover your tracks thoroughly. I suppose you mean to tamper with her food?
AGRIPPINILLA: It’s a proven method— and simple as anything. No one will expect the emperor’s favorite to fall dead at his own table.
JULIA: Will you blame one of those ghastly freedmen? There’s a certain oaf of a fellow who makes me shiver all over. He looks like a murderer through and through.
AGRIPPINILLA: It will never do. We require a suspect with a definite motivation. Say, for instance, a jealous husband.
JULIA: I just knew you’d set your sights on Marcus Lepidus. It’s an inspired choice. Caligula will positively relish signing the death sentence.
AGRIPPINILLA: A path is only clear after all the obstacles have been put away. Once I’ve displaced that pair of fools, I’ll rush to poor brother’s side and set little Lucius on his knee.
JULIA: Your Lucius isn’t a terribly attractive child, is he? Perhaps he’ll improve with age.
AGRIPPINILLA: My Lucius will be adopted by his uncle and raised as the future emperor. In the meantime, I’ll keep his claim secure.
JULIA: You are taking a risk. If Caligula should have a child of his own—
AGRIPPINILLA: Three wives and all the prostitutes in Rome haven’t been able to bear my brother a child. I dare say the seed is rotten.
JULIA: Perhaps it is. You certainly can’t accuse him of lacking enthusiasm.
AGRIPPINILLA: That enthusiasm will work in my favor. It will make one more proof of the emperor’s unfitness to rule. And one more reason why poor, impressionable Marcus Lepidus should attempt to do him in. For the safety of Rome, of course.
JULIA: Oh, of course. What else?
SCENE III.
NARRATOR: The emperor’s private rooms were drenched in a darkness so profound that Marcus Lepidus could barely see without screwing up his eyes. Hesitantly he addressed himself to a hazy column of shadow.
LEPIDUS: You asked for me, Caesar?
CALIGULA: Quiet! I have not finished preparing myself.
LEPIDUS: Preparing yourself?
CALIGULA: My eyes, you know, want time to adjust after glimpsing the blinding shades of divinity. (recognition) Ah, Marcus! This constant secrecy is a terrible weight on me…
LEPIDUS: Your worship has not taken pains to conceal the transformation.
CALIGULA: (irritated) Naturally, I haven’t concealed it from you. The changes working in me are too noticeable. You heard Pina this afternoon.
LEPIDUS: She’s a shrewd one, alright.
CALIGULA: Still, I can’t bring myself to feel warmly towards her. She’s always been too much of a bully. Like my grandmother, but more extravagant.
LEPIDUS: Extravagance is to be expected in the first family of the empire.
CALIGULA: Yes, yes, but Pina is such a greedy nature, always reaching out her hands for more. It’s only gotten worse since her little brat came along. (suddenly gleeful) I’ll tell you a secret, Lepidus. Pina’s son will never be my heir. He’ll never lead Rome.
LEPIDUS: Have you consulted an augur?
CALIGULA: I’ve consulted my own tastes. I do have some say in the matter, you know.
LEPIDUS: (suggestively) What, may I ask, does Caesar think of his youngest sister, the Lady Julia?
CALIGULA: You’re a sly old man, Lepidus. You like to throw me off the scent. Soon enough you will be pleading your own suit. My lord, you will say, I am quite prepared to wed you myself! Devil take it, my dear, I could almost accept. Certainly my great-uncle Tiberius would have jumped at the chance to possess you.
LEPIDUS: (stiffly) I am pleased to see divinity has not diminished your rich sense of humor.
CALIGULA: But we were talking of Julia. Poor, witless Julia. Now this one gives me pause. Of course, she’s loads more pleasant than Pina.
LEPIDUS: Pretty of face, too.
CALIGULA: All three of my sisters rival that harlot Venus in beauty. I often wonder whether the goddess didn’t play some secret part in their conception.
LEPIDUS: I wouldn’t be surprised. Julia in particular—
CALIGULA: Still going on about Julia, are we? Lepidus, my friend! I can’t understand you at all. What man lusts after bronze when he already boasts all the gold in the world? You’d better take care. I have half a mind to warn Drusilla.
LEPIDUS: There is no need, Caesar. Drusilla and I understand each other perfectly.
CALIGULA: Of course, I’d be taking it on the chin. She only married you at my request. If it turns out that you are a disappointment—
LEPIDUS: (shortly) It will not turn out that way. You misunderstand.
CALIGULA: Kindly don’t interrupt me. Your petty thoughts are nothing compared to mine. Drusilla never interrupts me that way.
LEPIDUS: Drusilla likes to indulge her noble brother.
CALIGULA: (sinister) For once you’ve got it right. Your exquisite wife indulges me in everything— and I do mean everything. She would make a very obliging empress.
LEPIDUS: I suppose she will soon receive her own visit from Jove.
CALIGULA: Under no circumstances. That villain won’t be allowed to have his way with her. As far as I’m concerned, there are already too many claimants to my sister’s charms. Remember that, Lepidus, won’t you?
SCENE IV.
NARRATOR: As might be expected, Marcus Lepidus came away from his interview with the emperor drowning in jealousy, and indignant beyond words. His usually dormant sense of civic virtue was piqued by a very personal, very powerful hatred. Increasingly he felt himself drawn to accept Agripinilla’s promises of retribution. They met in secret, accompanied by the flippant and alluring Julia Livilla.
AGRIPPINILLA: I must say, Lepidus, you have a ghastly pallor. Feeling unwell today?
LEPIDUS: (sullen) I have been unwell since the death of Tiberius.
AGRIPPINILLA: Denounce my brother all you like, but for god’s sake don’t make a martyr of that old lech.
LEPIDUS: I didn’t say it was our happiest moment. But Tiberius at least obeyed the proper forms. His godship kills at random, like a beast in the arena.
AGRIPPINILLA: I always knew it would come to this. Caligula was born under a bad star. From the very hour of his birth there were predictions of villainy and madness.
JULIA: If only Drusus had survived to supplant him– or Nero. Either of them would have made a far superior leader.
AGRIPPINILLA: The righteous always die young— especially in Rome.
LEPIDUS: You mean they are killed by the wicked before they know how to protect themselves.
AGRIPPINILLA: Precisely. And now we are left to gather the broken shards. A family of women, an infant boy, and doddering Uncle Claudius. I ask you, Marcus Lepidus, has it ever looked worse for the posterity of the empire?
LEPIDUS: None would envy us our circumstances.
JULIA: (hinting) Oh, how desperately we stand in need of a really heroic man!
AGRIPPINILLA: Caligula is a danger unto himself. To be frank, I grow more fearful with every passing day. It’s only a matter of time before my brother abandons us to the barbarian hordes.
JULIA: Isn’t there anything to be done, Marcus? I think sometimes that we might as well surrender.
LEPIDUS: (decisively) There can be no surrender. Your snake of a brother is obviously unqualified to rule. He must be removed with all haste.
JULIA: Oh, but do you really think it is possible?
LEPIDUS: Julia Livilla, I am too much of a patriot to stand idly by as that madman turns Rome into his personal pleasure park.
JULIA: How nobly he talks! We haven’t known true nobility for ages.
LEPIDUS: I will, however, make one thing clear. You ladies have heard me pronounce some very rash and dangerous words. If it is your secret plan to accuse me of treason—
AGRIPPINILLA: Stop right there, Marcus Lepidus. I thought perhaps you would mistrust us. Of course, you’re only right to be cautious. Dozens die every day on account of my brother’s paranoia. But we must be willing to risk our own ruin. If only for poor Drusilla’s sake…
LEPIDUS: (uneasy) What about Drusilla?
AGRIPPINILLA: Isn’t it plain? The dear child will be strong-armed into a vile marriage with her own brother. You of all people should desire to rescue her.
LEPIDUS: Of course I will rescue her. I must rescue her. She is my legal wife, not the emperor’s concubine. He can boast all he wants about their intimacy.
AGRIPPINILLA: It’s nothing short of revolting.
LEPIDUS: So you agree with me! You’ve heard how viciously he mocks and taunts–
AGRIPPINILLA: Yes, yes, I’ve heard everything. Only we can’t go on chattering the whole day long. The fire of vengeance must not be expelled all in a moment.
LEPIDUS: (anxiously) If you’re really serious about what you say, Agripinilla, then we have little time to waste. There are matters of grave importance… we must talk–
AGRIPPINILLA: Whenever you like. I’m always at your disposal.
NARRATOR: And with a quick, decisive step, the elder sister turned and strode from the room, never stopping to glance back. Left alone with Marcus Lepidus, Julia felt herself flush bright red. If not for her consuming passion, she might have noticed the half-silhouette of an eavesdropper, perched just out of sight.
JULIA: And what about me, Marcus dear?
LEPIDUS: You?
JULIA: Don’t you want to talk to me?
LEPIDUS: Certainly I do. It’s high time we have a moment alone.
JULIA: There are no end of opportunities. I think you are too modest.
LEPIDUS: For what it’s worth, Julia, I recommended you very strongly to the emperor.
JULIA: That’s just beastly of you.
LEPIDUS: I thought you’d take it as a compliment. I was supporting your bid for empress.
JULIA: (sulky) You weren’t doing anything of the kind. No one but Drusilla matters to you.
LEPIDUS: Naturally Drusilla matters to me. A year of marriage has made us very fond of each other. But it wasn’t exactly a love match, you know.
JULIA: Then why do you act so jealously towards Caligula?
LEPIDUS: It’s the principle of the matter. I cannot permit a wife of mine to commit such terrible indecencies. Besides, I would feel compelled to protect any woman from that tyrant’s clutches.
JULIA: What about protecting me?
LEPIDUS: Frankly, lady, I should like to do more than protect you. Fate has been terribly kind to your man Vinicius.
JULIA: Don’t pretend you haven’t heard the rumors. Vinicius and I hardly see each other.
LEPIDUS: (simply) One never can tell with gossip. Though in this case I’m pleased to find that the slanderers got it right.
JULIA: (hesitant) You won’t feel guilty around Drusilla?
LEPIDUS: Drusilla has plenty of her own sins to feel guilty for. The emperor likes to boast about their passion. Apparently it's quite thrilling.
JULIA: Look on the bright side, darling. Soon he’ll have no breath to talk.
LEPIDUS: It’s not the talking that bothers me.
SCENE V.
NARRATOR: Hours elapsed and the purple glow of evening settled upon the new palace. Weighed down by regret and dismay, Drusilla was carefully preparing her speech. She meant to inform her brother of the wicked plots unfolding all about him. If she did not take the proper tone, something very dreadful was liable to happen. It was not her intention to ruin Lepidus and Agripinilla, both of whom she loved implicitly. Only, she loved Caligula more.
CALIGULA: (airily) Drusilla my pet! What do you think? I’ve just given orders for the construction of twelve new statues. Great towering things, made from the finest marble in all Italy. They’ll be the crowning glory of this wretched city.
DRUSILLA: It will require a great deal of labor. I guess you’ve consulted your advisors about the cost?
CALIGULA: Oh, what do I care for cost? There are always ways of making more money.
DRUSILLA: It’s too bad the senators are not so optimistic. They seem to think that you are squandering all the contents of the privy purse.
CALIGULA: What a lot of whining children! I might draw from the purse every now and then, but I always refill it. Rome is simply teeming with wealthy men.
DRUSILLA: I don’t suppose many of them want to be parted from their fortunes.
CALIGULA: Of course they don’t, the egoists. But a dead man can’t do much with his change. (wickedly) Sometimes I even take the coin off the tongue.
DRUSILLA: It’s very naughty of you. How do you expect them to pay their way across the Styx?
CALIGULA: I should think that’s the ferryman’s business.
DRUSILLA: (wary) Brother… I fear that you have become rather capricious of late.
CALIGULA: Are you criticizing me, Drusilla?
DRUSILLA: Not in so many words. Of course, I understand your recent behavior perfectly. But there are others who are not so enlightened.
CALIGULA: You are very good to worry for my safety.
DRUSILLA: (seizing upon it) Yes, in fact, I am worried—
CALIGULA: Please, my dear, you musn’t give yourself the trouble. I have my books, you know, the books that Macro keeps for me. One step out of line and a name gets taken down. Do you know what happens to those names, darling? They’re blotted out of existence.
DRUSILLA: But there are plotters lurking in every corner. Members of your own family—
CALIGULA: (abruptly) Who do you mean?
DRUSILLA: Julia, for instance, I heard—
CALIGULA: Julia! That little flirt! Now, you needn’t waste a thought on Julia. She’s much too busy coaxing strangers into her bed.
DRUSILLA: (anxiously) But she has allied herself with Pina and… and with my husband, too.
CALIGULA: Poor pet! You must have more confidence in your emperor. Not one of those spineless fools is a match for my immortal power. I invite Agripinilla to do her worst. Her lovely neck will look ravishing against the executioner’s blade. And as for Marcus Lepidus, there isn’t a bigger coward in all of Rome. He would kiss my feet if I asked… perhaps I will ask—tonight, for a bit of fun…
DRUSILLA: Are you quite sure he isn’t capable-
CALIGULA: He isn’t capable of anything. You know that better than anyone. Now enough make believe! I’m no longer in the mood. We will talk of more pleasant things. My statues, for instance. Well, don’t you want to hear about them?
DRUSILLA: (weary) You may talk of whatever you like, brother. So long as you are untroubled, then so am I.
CALIGULA: I have designed these new pieces for your special pleasure, Drusilla. There is one of us together. I am to wear my triumphal dress like the great god Mars, and you will be my Venus.
DRUSILLA: Do you suppose the people will approve?
CALIGULA: They will be stricken to their knees with awe.
DRUSILLA: What a flattering notion. We must only hope that Venus is pleased!
CALIGULA: Why shouldn’t she be? You lack none of her virtues. Think of it! You even have your own Vulcan.
DRUSILLA: (laughter) Pity he doesn’t limp like old Claudius! Otherwise he’s perfect for the role.
CALIGULA: (laughter cont.) Of course, I could always throw him from a mountaintop, if you think it would do the trick…
SCENE VI.
NARRATOR: Once again the conspirators spoke in hushed tones. Pacing swiftly back and forth, Agripinilla was a picture of elegance and vigor.
AGRIPPINILLA: Everything is to be prepared in advance. I will even hide the weapon– under the carpet by his bed. You must only take it up and strike.
LEPIDUS: What of my wife? You might be aware, she has a vile habit of lying with him most nights.
AGRIPPINILLA: (darkly) Don’t worry about Drusilla. She will be looked after.
LEPIDUS: How do you mean?
AGRIPPINILLA: What a persistent man you are, Marcus Lepidus! Such a scrupulous mind for details. I mean that one of my women will divert Drusilla’s attention. She won’t find it strange. The poor girl receives dozens of petitioners by the hour.
LEPIDUS: (considering) It could work. Of course I will need to contrive my own excuse for missing dinner.
AGRIPPINILLA: Perhaps you’ve taken ill.
LEPIDUS: Will he believe it?
AGRIPPINILLA: My brother is a narcissist of the highest renown. He doesn’t care very much who attends him, so long as they clap and grovel at the appropriate moments. Your absence will go unnoticed. I hope that does not offend you.
LEPIDUS: To put it bluntly, Agripinilla, your brother’s very existence offends me.
AGRIPPINILLA: You and every other decent person in Rome.
LEPIDUS: One last thing. I can’t spend hours lurking about in his rooms.
AGRIPPINILLA: Naturally. That sort of carelessness could only invite exposure. I will alert you to take up your position when the time is right.
LEPIDUS: Very well. It is in your hands, then.
AGRIPPINILLA: But you must be constantly on your guard. My message could arrive at any time.
LEPIDUS: Believe me, I will think of nothing else until the fated moment arrives.
AGRIPPINILLA: I sincerely hope you mean what you say. False bravery is worse than cowardice.
NARRATOR: With a confident step Julia strode into the room. She glanced from her sister to Lepidus and smiled knowingly.
JULIA: Poor Marcus. Don’t let her browbeat you. There isn’t a more pedantic woman in all of Italy.
AGRIPPINILLA: That’s unkind, sister.
JULIA: Oh but you’re always coming after my little faults, no matter how hard I try to conceal them.
LEPIDUS: (grandly) It cannot be. I refuse to believe that you, Julia Livilla, have any faults worthy of the name.
JULIA: What gallantry!
AGRIPPINILLA: Gallantry or foolishness.
LEPIDUS: Ladies, you must excuse me. There are some affairs I must sort out. I will expect every moment to hear from you, Agripinilla.
JULIA: (suggestively) And from me, too.
NARRATOR: Left alone with her sister, Agrippinilla made a gesture of exasperation.
AGRIPPINILLA: Would it pain you very much to stop flirting with that man? It couldn’t be more obvious.
JULIA: Oh give it a rest, Pina. He’s not your husband, is he?
AGRIPPINILLA: That’s nothing. You can have Ahenobarbus for all I care. But I must warn you, he’s an old brute.
JULIA: (superior) Marcus Lepidus has always shown me great respect. More than any gentleman I’ve ever known.
AGRIPPINILLA: And so you will repay that respect by making an adulterer of him.
JULIA: What does it matter to you?
AGRIPPINILLA: I am merely concerned that your enticements will distract Lepidus from the task at hand. I’ve had to deal so carefully with him. And my plans are far from simple.
JULIA: Are they? I should think they’re nothing at all for a woman of your talents. Kill Drusilla, prevent our brother from being killed. Pin it all on poor Lepidus, who hasn’t got a clue.
AGRIPPINILLA: (aggravated) Why don’t you shout a bit louder?
JULIA: And I thought only Caligula was paranoid. I suppose it runs in the family. (a pause) When you do make your heroic intervention— just before the sword comes down— will you look Lepidus in the eye? Or will you be too busy crying crocodile tears?
AGRIPPINILLA: You better not have any foolish ideas–
JULIA: Oh, I won’t stand in your way. In fact, I expect to be paid very handsomely for my silence.
AGRIPPINILLA: Of course. It can be arranged.
JULIA: I am making a terrific sacrifice with Lepidus. I hope you know that. He’s one of the last really desirable men in Rome. Caligula’s killed everyone else.
AGRIPPINILLA: There will be other pleasures on offer. Perhaps brother and I will deify you. What do you say?
JULIA: (harried) Oh, I don’t know. It’s getting rather common. Everyone’s a god nowadays.
SCENE VII.
NARRATOR: Several days later, Drusilla stood silently watching her husband as he stalked about their shared chambers. Marcus Lepidus wore an expression of hurry and impatience.
DRUSILLA: Are you leaving again?
LEPIDUS: I’m afraid I must. A most remarkable case is coming to court this evening. Why do you ask?
DRUSILLA: (nonchalant) No reason in particular. It just occurred to me that we see very little of each other these days.
LEPIDUS: Surely that is no fault of mine. My official duties have kept me occupied, but no more than usual.
DRUSILLA: I thought my brother might be overworking you.
LEPIDUS: (sarcasm) As emperor, he has every right to use me as he sees fit.
DRUSILLA: Really, Marcus, I wish you wouldn’t take that tone.
LEPIDUS: Have I taken a tone?
DRUSILLA: You speak so formally with me, as if I wasn’t to be trusted.
LEPIDUS: (lightly) My dear, what perfect nonsense! I can’t imagine where you picked up such an absurd idea.
DRUSILLA: I don’t pick up my ideas from anyone— least of all from Caligula.
LEPIDUS: Who mentioned Caligula?
DRUSILLA: It is on his account that you treat me coldly. You are convinced that I sneak and spy and apprise him of your every word!
LEPIDUS: I’m convinced that your intimacy with Gaius Caesar is beyond the pale. You afford him familiarities that should be reserved for your lawful husband.
DRUSILLA: I will not be slandered by you, Marcus. Already half of Rome desires to muddy my name. Must you join their vile cause?
LEPIDUS: Never mind. Do just as you like. It will all come out in the wash, anyway.
DRUSILLA: I won’t pretend to know what that means.
LEPIDUS: (sardonic) It’s only fair, my dear. You have your secrets and I have mine.
DRUSILLA: Oh please, Marcus, let’s leave off arguing for once. Argument has poisoned our life together, and our health, too. In fact, I’m going tomorrow evening to sacrifice. Perhaps the gods will take pity on my pounding head. Will you come along?
LEPIDUS: (suddenly evasive) No. I cannot tomorrow.
DRUSILLA: Why not? The augurs promise an auspicious day. For the sake of the family, it would be very prudent of us—
LEPIDUS: (harshly) I said I cannot. Anyway, it’s all a lot of superstition.
DRUSILLA: You’ve never strayed from proper piety before. What is so important about tomorrow? Is it another secret?
LEPIDUS: For heaven’s sake, Drusilla, we’ve only just made amends. Will you quarrel with me again?
DRUSILLA: (yielding) Very well. It isn’t my intention to pry. I hope, at least, you have accepted my brother’s invitation to dine tomorrow night.
LEPIDUS: I’m afraid I must refuse. I will make the emperor my personal apologies.
DRUSILLA: Strange. Pina has also begged off. (Gently) You know, Marcus, I happened to overhear—
LEPIDUS: What? What is it you’ve overheard?
DRUSILLA: (changing course) Oh, nothing of importance. Trifles, for the most part. But, all the same, dear, you ought to be cautious. My sister has a rare talent for persuasion. She can easily win support for the most improvident schemes.
LEPIDUS: I will keep that in mind.
DRUSILLA: It would so upset Caligula if he were to find out—
LEPIDUS: Ah! So that’s what you’re about. Protecting brother’s feelings…
DRUSILLA: This has nothing to do with my brother. I should never have mentioned him.
LEPIDUS: (after a moment) Don’t worry about Agrippinilla. I’m a match for her.
DRUSILLA: I only wish you would take care of yourself.
LEPIDUS: I promise to take care of us both.
DRUSILLA: Yes, alright. (nervously) And tomorrow… you still plan on missing dinner?
LEPIDUS: Why so fixated on tomorrow, love? It’s not the end of the world. If anything, it will be a new beginning.
NARRATOR: Drusilla gazed with interest at her husband’s glinting expression. Drop by drop the rosy color drained from her face. Three days passed in apparent tranquility, and all at once the fateful night arrived. As Caligula dawdled at the dinner table, Agripinilla stole into his rooms and hid herself in an unseen recess of the wall. Marcus Lepidus, she grimly observed, was nowhere to be found. As panic and frustration rippled over her, she suddenly drew back in alarm. Just outside, the emperor could be heard railing at one of his freedmen.
SCENE VIII.
CALIGULA: How very ill-mannered my friends were to leave me alone at dinner, with only a few nasty sword-fighters for company. Don’t you agree, Aedeus? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say they were all becoming a bit too familiar. Of course, it’s my own fault. I have such a terribly soft heart. Blame old Germanicus for that. Still, something must be done to inspire all those fools with a proper sense of terror. I’ll consult my Drusilla. The poor darling felt so badly about missing dinner. She’ll be longing for my company…
NARRATOR: In her shaded hiding place, Agrippinilla was near to crying out in vexation. If Drusilla did not attend dinner, and Lepidus failed to present himself at the emperor’s chambers, then all was lost. There was no use clutching at the loose threads of a skein that had already unraveled. Softly, with infinite care, Agrippinilla crept towards an open door. The freedman Aedeus had exited some moments before, leaving Caligula alone in his rooms. She held her breath and stepped forward—
CALIGULA: Not another move! For gods’ sake if you move again, you miserable assassin, I will have my soldiers flay your limbs while they’re still attached. Guards! Guards, you wretched—
AGRIPPINILLA: (appeasing) Brother, my dear brother, calm yourself. It is only me.
CALIGULA: That’s hardly cause for relief.
AGRIPPINILLA: Please, brother. There is no need to bother with guards. I see now that I have disturbed you. Let me go—
CALIGULA: (coldly) Stay there, Pina. I don’t trust you anywhere else. You have been a devil since the day of your birth.
AGRIPPINILLA: You will call me a devil? My goodness, what delicious irony. I’ve never heard any better.
CALIGULA: First you threaten your emperor’s life, and then you abuse his name. I won’t have it. I will send my Germans after you—
AGRIPPINILLA: Darling brother! Caesar… you must please excuse me. I have such fond memories of our shared upbringing. It causes me to forget sometimes that you have made a great transformation. Your divinity is too grand for mere mortals to behold.
CALIGULA: (impatient) Oh, enough chattering. I’m already aware of my many virtues.
AGRIPPINILLA: (through gritted teeth) You will please forgive me for startling you.
CALIGULA: That’s the difficulty, Pina. I am no longer inclined to forgive anyone. My friends have started taking too many liberties. They advantage themselves of my better nature.
AGRIPPINILLA: How dreadfully you must suffer at their hands! Your excellency, only tell me who has insulted you, and I will take it upon myself to apprehend them. Though it was my own husband I would not hesitate to give evidence in any court you like. I’m quite a capable speaker, as you know–
CALIGULA: Oh, don’t try to distract me, you fool. Don’t think I’ll spare you for your pretty talk. You are a traitor and an enemy of the empire. What rotten nerve you must possess, to range your petty self against a living god! Or else… or else you don’t believe in my transformation? You’ve been lying to me, wagging that wretched little tongue–
AGRIPPINILLA: Never, your worship! I could never hope to deceive such a prodigious intellect as your own. I see that now.
CALIGULA: Hmm. A bit late, isn’t it? After you’ve been slithering about like a viper.
AGRIPPINILLA: (eagerly) But… but they are all vipers, Caesar— that is just what I’ve come to tell you. A hissing nest of vipers gathers around you. Lepidus—
CALIGULA: So you, too, will accuse my friend Marcus Lepidus! Funny thing. Drusilla seemed to think you were working with him.
AGRIPPINILLA: I would never take my chances in a plot against you, Caesar.
CALIGULA: Wouldn’t you? If it meant serving my head up on a plate? Speak frankly, now! Every lie you tell will be taken down with your own blood.
AGRIPPINILLA: Very well! Very well. I will make my admission. Though I can’t know how you’ll receive it…(feigning meekness) It is so very impudent of me to confess my love for you. When has a human woman ever managed to beguile a god like yourself? If anyone could, it would sooner be Drusilla than me. Her youthful beauty exceeds mine in every way.
CALIGULA: (credulous) You’re right, of course. Drusilla stands outside the realm of comparison. But don’t lose hope, Pina. You too have your merits.
AGRIPPINILLA: How generous you are, Caesar.
CALIGULA: For one thing, you have a very narcissistic character. That’s useful in a monarch. We must protect ourselves, you know. And your capacity for wickedness is almost above reproach. Would it disgust you very much to murder a man?
AGRIPINILLA: Excuse me, Caesar, but how do you know I haven’t already done it? With my own hands, even…
CALIGULA: (delighted) Marvelous. Simply marvelous!
AGRIPPINILLA: Now Drusilla is incapable of committing such deeds. She grows faint at the sight of blood, poor child.
CALIGULA: I have always considered it her only fault.
AGRIPPINILLA: Oh, no, Caesar. Not a fault, but a virtue. You see, she is something like an angel on earth. And it is our duty as brother and sister to forever preserve her in that state of innocence.
CALIGULA: It’s a very decent mind you have, Pina. I had quite forgotten. Do you know? I once laughed to think of you as empress… Lepidus knows— that coward Lepidus… but I have since begun to see matters in a new light. You have risen in my estimation.
AGRIPPINILLA: Oh, excellency. Permit me to kneel at your feet.
CALIGULA: As father of the country it is incumbent on me to act prudently. I must select a queen who will pummel her enemies with an iron fist. My Drusilla has always been delicate as a pearl… But you, Pina– you’re more shrewish than Juno herself.
AGRIPPINILLA: Caesar, I have no words… Your favor is overwhelming–
CALIGULA: (gleeful) One thing’s for certain. The vipers wouldn’t dare to bite you. Pina has her own poison, they would say. Better not take a drink of that! It kills on the instant. It kills with a single drop! Don’t you agree, Pina? Don’t you think I have it just…
NARRATOR: Suddenly the emperor stopped short. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted the faintest glitter of silver steel.
AGRIPPINILLA: Brother? Excellency, is something wrong?
NARRATOR: Concealed beneath the richly woven carpet, a jewel-encrusted dagger caught the candlelight and glimmered menacingly. The emperor inspected it with intense concentration, then turned slowly towards his sister. A bitter smile played upon his lips.
CALIGULA: You will die for this.
SCENE IX.
NARRATOR: The new residence on Palatine Hill was vast and tortuous as a maze. Far away from Agrippinilla and her brother, in another ornate suite of rooms, Marcus Lepidus perched on the edge of a gilded daybed. Hastily he struggled to dress as Julia Livilla looked on.
LEPIDUS: As always, my dear Julia, you are very good to me.
JULIA: Such a gentleman. No wonder Drusilla respects you so.
LEPIDUS: (annoyed) For heaven’s sake, don’t talk of Drusilla just now. It’s hardly the place.
JULIA: How nervous you are, Lepidus! Is your conscience rankling you?
LEPIDUS: No, it isn’t that. And shouldn’t you use my given name? Under the circumstances—
JULIA: (languidly) Believe me, dear. The circumstances will expire long before you stop showing your face around here. It would be so inconvenient to change and change back again.
LEPIDUS: Yes. Yes, I suppose you’re right.
JULIA: You poor boy! Why do you turn all about like a prisoner on the run? Allow me to relax you.
LEPIDUS: (strained) No, I cannot. The fact is, Julia, I’ve been hoping for some time to take my leave.
JULIA: I trust that isn’t a reflection of my company.
LEPIDUS: Not at all. But I’ve sworn to Agripinilla that I would remain in my rooms all night.
JULIA: Oh, that. Nevermind Pina’s orders— she’s such a taskmaster. We ought to install her in the army.
LEPIDUS: Do understand. I cannot be away from my rooms any longer. The messenger might be knocking as we speak.
JULIA: (dismissive) Your precious messenger will be nose-deep in his wine cups right about now. As, no doubt, is my noble brother. They don’t get up from table for ages. And the freedmen imitate their superiors.
LEPIDUS: How can you be sure?
JULIA: You’ve seen the kind of entertainment that Caligula enjoys. It sooner resembles a satyr play than an imperial dinner. Mark my words. The sun will be high in the sky before your trap is sprung.
LEPIDUS: (anxiously) Kindly lower your voice!
JULIA: Oh, no one cares a jot about us. You’ve been listening too much to Pina. My sister can be such a bore— she’s forgotten what it means to live for pleasure.
LEPIDUS: Surely there are higher causes than pleasure. Don’t you think Agripinilla is right to target tyranny and injustice?
JULIA: If you want my opinion, it will be another two hundred years before justice comes back to Rome. In the meantime, we can only watch our backs and hope to avoid violent death.
LEPIDUS: (suspicious) You wouldn’t be watching the emperor’s back now, would you?
JULIA: Please. You underestimate the extent of my indifference. I don’t give a fig for that awful brother of mine. Kill him, don’t kill him, take him to bed if you like! It’s all the same to me.
LEPIDUS: Just so long as you don’t intend to stand in my way.
JULIA: If I meant to disrupt your all-important plans, I would have done so ages ago. You don’t see any chains lying around, do you? Even the door’s left unlocked… Try it if you don’t believe me!
LEPIDUS: I didn’t mean any offense. Only, I promised your sister—
JULIA: Oh, enough about my sisters! Pina and Drusilla can carve up the world for all I care. They can rule it together, side by side, and I’ll be perfectly happy just to be left alone. No one knows what a terrible burden I bear, always being pulled to and fro. Of course, that’s nothing to you.
LEPIDUS: Now, wait a bit. You mustn't grow upset. Probably you’re right about dinner.
JULIA: (light sarcasm) Probably.
LEPIDUS: You understand, I’m very anxious to make an end of this awful business. But in the meantime, I might as well stay…
JULIA: (mollified) Just lay yourself down again, Marcus Lepidus. My brother derives so much pleasure from inconveniencing others— why shouldn’t he make his assassins wait, too? I can hear him now— gushing about some wicked tale from Tiberius’ time. Well, let him have his fun. We’ll make our own.
NARRATOR: Even as Julia spoke these flippant words, her sister Agrippinilla was staring straight into the face of death. It took on the appearance of manic and frenzied Caligula, who wielded the jeweled dagger as he blazed furiously about the room.
SCENE X.
CALIGULA: (vicious) You lying, back-biting whore! I knew all along. From the moment you showed your miserable face, I knew there was a scheme in the works.
AGRIPPINILLA: (frantic) Please, Caesar, you’ve got it wrong—
CALIGULA: I am never wrong! I am a living god and the greatest monarch this world has ever known. It will be a pleasure for me to spill your blood by the gallon.
AGRIPPINILLA: I am your sister, Caligula.
CALIGULA: Sisters have been betraying brothers since the dawn of time. You’ve seen it with your own eyes. Probably you’ve made an example of it.
AGRIPPINILLA: Think logically for a little minute! What good would it do me to betray you? I swear on my soul—
CALIGULA: You haven’t any soul to speak of.
AGRIPPINILLA: Then that makes two of us.
CALIGULA: (emphatically) For years Macro has been telling me to dispose of you. I ought to have listened. But now at last I will correct my lapse. I will do for you, and for your friend Lepidus. He’s sure to be hanging around somewhere. (calling) Come on out, Marcus Lepidus! We haven’t got all day.
AGRIPPINILLA: (bitterly) He isn’t here. I came to warn you about him, I—
CALIGULA: Not here, is he? Not slithering about like a vile snake?
AGRIPPINILLA: Please, brother. You are working yourself into a most unhealthy state. I’ll just go and have a word with your guard—
CALIGULA: (violently) You won’t leave this room alive! One more move, Pina, and you’ll be dead before your little accomplice crawls out of his hole. I thought I’d give you the pleasure of watching dear Marcus bleed himself dry. As the emperor’s sister, you are entitled to certain privileges. Hear that, Marcus? I do hope you’ve finished your warm-ups. You’re to be the main act in tonight’s spectacle.
AGRIPPINILLA: I swear on all that’s holy. He isn’t here. Probably he did intend to betray you, but—
CALIGULA: Quiet! Quiet. I can hear him breathing. I can smell his putrid coward’s sweat.
NARRATOR: Wildly the emperor careened about the room, slashing with his dagger at pillows, bedclothes and wall hangings. He seemed to see his enemy’s face multiplied a thousand times in every square inch of empty air.
CALIGULA: You know, Lepidus, it’s an honor to be executed by one’s emperor. (Struggling) It’s a great… ghastly… honor.
AGRIPPINILLA: Are you satisfied now? You’ve made the furniture tremble in fear.
CALIGULA: Don’t suppose I’ll change my mind, Pina. I’ll kill you just for sport. Like a dirty little fly— one swat will be enough. You’ll make a stain like a fly, too.
AGRIPPINILLA: (raggedly) Monster.
CALIGULA: Am I a monster? What do you say, Lepidus? It’s a terrible accusation. We’ll have to bring it before the senators. My esteemed friends the senators! Heaven knows how much I value their talents. The drunkards in the gutter are more fit to rule….
NARRATOR: Again Caligula began to manically swing his dagger about as Agrippinilla quivered with fear. His movements, like his voice, possessed a mad theatricality.
CALIGULA: (deliriously) You fancy yourself emperor, Lepidus? You fancy yourself… father of the country? Rotten backstabber!
NARRATOR: Viciously the emperor ripped curtains and hangings from the wall, kicking at the fallen material like enemy corpses. His blade was mere inches from a rich sliver of tapestry when suddenly a wild look came into Agrippinilla’s eyes.
AGRIPPINILLA: Brother! Brother, wait—
NARRATOR: With one savage stroke, he plunged the dagger through gold and silver cloth— straight into Drusilla’s tender, unprotected flesh. Gasping, she fell away from the tapestry, where she had secretly hid herself, desperate to rescue her beloved brother from his would-be assassins. Now she lay prostrate on the floor, bleeding profusely from a wound in her stomach. Speechless and pale Caligula collapsed beside her. Half a dozen imperial guards could barely prevent him from running himself through with the same jeweled dagger. In the following days, while Drusilla lay deathly ill and the grieving emperor sat at her side, Lepidus was charged with treason and summarily executed. Drowning in fear, Agrippinilla and Julia awaited word of their own fates, which they could only hope would be kinder.
Student Creative Works Submissions Q4: As a playwright and, more generally, a creative writer, I have always gravitated towards pieces that intelligently combine different genres, disciplines, and temporal moments. Art which breaks down boundaries and creates new conventions is an important product of any culturally-rich society. While working for the Creative Process, I have been lucky enough to engage closely with the ideas and methodologies of artists who value precisely this kind of innovative, experimental work. I have also become more intensely aware of the rich connective tissue that links a wide range of scholarly and creative fields-- there is artistry to be found in everything from theater, jazz, and landscape art to the biological sciences, mathematics, and environmental humanities. It is imperative, in my opinion, that we understand the common search for truth and purpose that unites all of these discreet vocations. The ultimate act of creativity must be an act of synthesis. As I craft my plays and stories, I work hard to attain an holistic, all-inclusive view of human life and society. I combine historical scenarios with the real present, scientific inquiry with spiritual seeking, and musical dialogue with sharp, intuitive silences. I try to write pieces which are open to different receptions and interpretations. After all, the creative process doesn't stop when a work reaches publication or performance; it continues on eternally, in the heart of every audience member, and the mind of every scholar and critic.
Student Creative Works Submissions Q5: This one-act play was inspired in large part by Robert Graves' wildly acclaimed 'Claudius' novels of the 1930s. Graves famously layered 20th century language and sensibilities on top of a classical narrative filled to brimming with battle histories and mythological allusions. 'I, Claudius' and 'Claudius the God' are essentially experiments in literary elasticity-- they dispute conventional boundaries of time and space to brilliant effect. My play attempts to take this project one step further. It is a three-layered reception study, in which the 1st, 20th, and 21st centuries alternately clash and cohabitate. Without doubt, my collaborations with the Creative Process have played a pivotal role in my development as a confident, risk-taking writer. The artists featured in the Podcast's episodes are constantly showing me how to balance fidelity to existing forms against a strong commitment to innovation.
Student Creative Works Submissions Q6: Donna Sanders is a playwright, musician, and academic based in New York. She recently received her Bachelor's and Master's degrees from Columbia University. Her scholarly interests include 19th-20th century American and global fiction, theories of the novel, the Southern Gothic, and intersections between religion and literature. Donna is a prize-winning playwright committed to crafting elegant and thought-provoking stories of human life over the centuries. Her plays, essays and other creative works have been featured in various outlets, including Arts Management Magazine, the MODA Critical Review, the Columbia Journal of Literary Criticism, and CUES Journal. She has been a collaborator with the Creative Process since April 2023.
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HIS HOLINESS THE EMPEROR
A One-Act Play Adapted for Radio Performance
by Donna SandersDramatis Personae
NARRATOR
CALIGULA: Successor to Tiberius in the Roman imperial line. Malignant, capricious and by all appearances unstable.
AGRIPPINILLA: The emperor Caligula’s eldest sister. A sly, ambitious woman intent on securing power for her infant son.
DRUSILLA: Favorite sister of Caligula. Compassionate by nature and deeply devoted to her brother.
MARCUS LEPIDUS: Drusilla’s husband in a marriage of convenience. A savvy politician and patriot; jealous of his wife’s attachment to the emperor. (Not to be confused with the Lepidus of the 2nd triumvirate)
JULIA: Caligula’s youngest sister. Flirtatious and rather lackadaisical.Setting and historical note: The following story takes place in 1st century Rome, during the reign of Gaius Julius Caesar, colloquially known as Caligula. The year is approximately 38 CE.
SCENE I.
NARRATOR: With a swift, anxious tread, comely Drusilla proceeded through the lavish halls and chambers of the new mansion on Palatine Hill. Under other circumstances, she might have been waylaid by any one of the two-score retainers that her brother the emperor routinely kept on hand. Most everyone knew that Gaius Caesar’s second sister was by far the gentlest member of the imperial family. Her sweet and indulgent smile drew petitioners like moths to a flame. But that morning she strode more quickly and frowned more deeply than usual. Even Agrippinilla, with all her quiet authority, struggled a moment to secure the girl’s undivided attention.AGRIPPINILLA: Where are you off to, sister? Not visiting with the emperor again?
DRUSILLA: Our brother has lately been in a poor way. He doesn’t relish anyone’s company.
AGRIPPINILLA: (irony) Oh, but you aren’t just anyone, Drusilla. You are his pet and favorite, practically his idol…
DRUSILLA: I wish you wouldn’t take so unkindly to our intimacy. Caligula has always confided in me, since earliest childhood. You must know that.
AGRIPPINILLA: Yes. But as a child his confidences didn’t count for much. Not even the finest augurs imagined that stroppy, insolent boy would go on to lead Rome. And see now what a bloody mess he makes of it!
DRUSILLA: The demands of the throne have obliged Caligula—
AGRIPPINILLA: Oh, don’t blame the throne. He was born with a perfect aptitude for such deeds. You must look no further than the death of our poor father. One person and one person only was responsible for that tragedy.
DRUSILLA: (firmly) I won’t believe it.
AGRIPPINILLA: You’re too trusting, Drusilla. You permit your affection to blind you to the truth.
DRUSILLA: And what do you suggest? Really, Pina, it’s not as if we have any alternative. You know how he takes to criticism.
AGRIPINILLA: All of Rome knows how he takes to criticism. The last man to clasp his sandals had three knives in the back faster than he could stand up.
DRUSILLA: I am convinced that the weight of sovereignty has proved too much for him. His mind is beginning to suffer.
AGRIPPINILLA: That’s plain enough. Do you know what Vinicius told me last night? The emperor, he says, has become convinced of his own divinity. He plans to establish a personal cult of worship.
DRUSILLA: (irritated) That is a wretched piece of gossip. My brother would never openly tempt the gods’ displeasure.
AGRIPPINILLA: Already two freedmen have been mutilated for refusing to bow before their monarch as another Jove. Perhaps you wish to see the severed appendages?
DRUSILLA: Please, Pina. I do not like this talk–
AGRIPINILLA: Then I suggest you have a word with darling brother. Only be sure to address him properly.
DRUSILLA: He wouldn’t hurt me.
AGRIPPINILLA: (reflective) No, I don’t suppose he would. The rest of us, however, are as safe as sitting ducks.
DRUSILLA: I hope you aren’t referring to yourself. Caligula is devoted to his family— he considers it his highest duty to protect us.
AGRIPPINILLA: I can’t tell if you’re a half-wit, Drusilla, or merely an exceptional liar.
DRUSILLA: If you weren’t always so unkind—
AGRIPPINILLA: (urgent) Quiet now. It seems we’ve conjured him from the dust.
NARRATOR: Imperious tones and ominous footsteps sounded from around the bend.
CALIGULA: No, Lepidus, I won’t have it. How many times must I tell you? I swear, you become more troublesome by the day.
LEPIDUS: Not at all, Caesar. Naturally, we will arrange things as you like.
AGRIPPINILLA: (hushed, to Drusilla) If he takes that tone with your husband, I can only imagine what a brow-beating the senate will get this afternoon.
CALIGULA: Wait a bit! I must have a word with my sisters. Let your official business go hang!
LEPIDUS: (strained laughter) Of course.
NARRATOR: The young emperor was not much to look at, but he wore with dignity the penetrating gaze and narrow, pronounced features of his royal ancestors. As their brother approached, the two sisters exchanged an uneasy glance.
CALIGULA: Drusilla, my own! You haven’t heard yet, have you? Such a pity you didn’t stay with me last night.
DRUSILLA: (gently) I am sorry, brother. I didn’t realize you wanted me.
CALIGULA: What a dear little fool you are! You know very well that I always want you.
AGRIPPINILLA: (wry) That’s just what I was telling her, not a minute ago. All the world knows how desirable our Drusilla is.
CALIGULA: Now don’t be jealous, Pina. Not even Marcus Lepidus is jealous, and it’s his wife we’re appraising like a courtesan. (jocular) Isn’t that right, Lepidus? Wouldn’t you like to knock me senseless for all this shameful talk?
LEPIDUS: Far be it from me, Caesar, to wish any ill upon you.
CALIGULA: That is a very neat answer. I accept it.
AGRIPPINILLA: Oh, the man knows better than to speak carelessly. Surely he’s lived with this family long enough.
CALIGULA: Yes, Marcus Lepidus has always been my most devoted friend. For that reason I’ve decided to invest him in my priesthood.
LEPIDUS: (‘Playing along’) It is a very great honor.
DRUSILLA: But whatever can you mean, brother? You’re not thinking of replacing all the existing cults?
CALIGULA: Why should I bother with those petty drinking clubs? They’re all rotten from the inside out. Nothing fit for an emperor— nothing fit for a living god on earth!
DRUSILLA: (uneasy) I’m afraid I can’t understand you.
AGRIPINILLA: But don’t you see, Drusilla? Our brother has lately received his heavenly summons. He will henceforth rule with all the powers of Olympus.
CALIGULA: I spit upon your lousy Olympus. What need do I have for an old and sagging mountaintop? I have Rome— the greatest empire ever erected in the history of the world.
LEPIDUS: Why don’t you tell them, Caesar, about your visitations?
CALIGULA: I cannot say too much. Your mortal minds are incapable of enduring the strain.
AGRIPPINILLA: Of course, if you prefer to keep silent about it–
CALIGULA: (impatiently) You must know only one thing. Last night, while I sat up in bed, Capitoline Jove appeared in a blaze of gold and collapsed on his face before me. Oh, yes, I saw it! With my own eyes I saw it! Perhaps you don’t believe me? Don’t you, Drusilla?
DRUSILLA: Forgive me, brother, but I am quite speechless. It’s such an extraordinary occurrence. After all, not even the god Augustus was visited in the flesh–
CALIGULA: Augustus, that old wretch! I won’t stand for these insults.
DRUSILLA: I didn’t mean any insult, brother. Please, do not grow so excited. I see now that I’ve misunderstood. But nevermind me. If you say Jove anointed you, then who am I to disagree?
CALIGULA: (indulgent) Pretty Drusilla, you will learn in time to honor my new incarnation. I admit, it has been a trying metamorphosis. All night I was writhing in agony.
LEPIDUS: Very heroic of you, Caesar.
CALIGULA: I won’t deny that the suffering was immense. But by sheer force I overcame the limits of my human form, and at last the process is nearly complete. Only one task remains. I must marry– soon!
AGRIPINILLA: But you have already married three times. Surely one of those unions will suffice—
CALIGULA: Oh, I have no use for lowly, common wives such as any mortal dog can acquire. I require something more precious. My true companion will be another Juno. An empress who shares my blood as well as my throne.
LEPIDUS: (pointed) You mean you must marry a sister.
CALIGULA: It is a lucky thing, isn’t it Lepidus, that I have three to choose from.
DRUSILLA: But, brother… are you quite certain it can be done? What of the people? Surely they won’t look kindly on a marriage between siblings. Incest has always been considered a terrible evil.
LEPIDUS: This is true, Caesar. For all of her modern virtues, Rome is forever indebted to traditionalism.
CALIGULA: Then I will use my godly force to pull her into the light. She is my empire, and I know better than anyone how she must be ruled.
AGRIPPINILLA: (changing tactics) Goodness, brother! What inhuman fervor you command! Your godhead has thoroughly transformed you.
CALIGULA: Do you really think so, Pina? I was afraid it wouldn’t become apparent for some time.
AGRIPPINILLA: My lord, it is obvious in every way.
CALIGULA: What a shame, Drusilla dear, that you are not yet capable of perceiving my transformation. I do not value anyone else’s praise so highly.
AGRIPPINILLA: (shrilly) Oh, you mustn’t be disappointed in little sister! I’m afraid she always lacked something for cleverness—
CALIGULA: Unless, of course, Heaven has a crown in store for you, too. What do you say, Lepidus? Is it possible?
DRUSILLA: Caligula, I wouldn’t dare—
CALIGULA: No, Drusilla! I am asking your husband. He alone will not deceive me.
DRUSILLA: None of us desires to deceive you.
CALIGULA: (To Lepidus) Tell me, my friend, I beg of you. Will jealous Olympus permit two human gods to sit together on the imperial throne?
LEPIDUS: I— cannot say with any certainty, Caesar. Drusilla is very young still. Perhaps Agripinilla would better serve your interests—
CALIGULA: Pina, is it? Then it’s Pina you mean to sell me?
LEPIDUS: (nervously) My lord, I’m not selling anyone. I only suggested—
CALIGULA: What use do I have for your suggestions? You can be a terrible knave, Lepidus. I wonder why I put up with you. You’re lucky that Drusilla has such a pathetic heart. I cannot deny my Drusilla anything…
DRUSILLA: Thank you, brother.
CALIGULA: (peremptory) Now leave me, all of you, leave me! I require utter silence. I must make a visit to the upper realms. Perhaps some little godling will agree to advise me. This marriage business is so devilishly frustrating…
SCENE II.
NARRATOR: Later that same day, in a fragrant and richly-appointed suite of rooms, the Lady Agrippinilla reposed alongside her youngest sister, Julia Livilla. Leaning close together, the two women spoke softly, though not in whispers. Clearly they had long grown used to criticizing their brother’s dangerous folly.AGRIPPINILLA: You’ve never seen anything like it. He sputters and rages like a madman. I suspect it will be permanent this time.
JULIA: So what if it is permanent? The senate wouldn’t dare move against him. They’re altogether too lazy.
AGRIPPINILLA: If you say so, then it must be true.
JULIA: Hinting at something, are we?
AGRIPPINILLA: There’s no need to hint. Everyone knows what a great friend you are to our esteemed senators.
JULIA: (slyly) Careful, dear. You wouldn’t want to fall out with the future empress. I am in the running, am I not? Caligula has recently expressed a certain fondness for me.
AGRIPPINILLA: Please. You’re no match for Drusilla. She can laugh in his royal face and he’ll still go on petting her. We ought to have suspected it. Even as children they were disgusting.
JULIA: Somehow I can’t picture Drusilla as empress. She’s too meek, too… ornamental. Power would crush her in an instant.
AGRIPPINILLA: Oh, there’s no doubt. My brother has got by with his ‘immovable rigor,’ or whatever nonsense, but Drusilla isn’t nearly strong enough. She thinks her angelic looks are a sure defense against all danger.
JULIA: They’ve served her well enough so far.
AGRIPPINILLA: Caligula has served her well. Without him she’s worth less than either of us. She doesn’t have a single friend in Rome.
JULIA: Now that’s not entirely true. Marcus Lepidus is devoted to her.
AGRIPPINILLA: (scornful) Marcus Lepidus. Beneath all that purple and bronze, Lepidus is nothing more than a child. He guards Drusilla like his special toy. It wouldn’t take much to disillusion him.
JULIA: I hope you aren’t thinking of meddling in their marriage.
AGRIPPINILLA: What is it to you? As I recall, marriage has never ranked high on your list of priorities. Only look at poor Vinicius.
JULIA: (sharply) Vinicius and I have an arrangement. We don’t ask questions and we don’t pick fights.
AGRIPPINILLA: Oh, nevermind your arrangement. It isn’t any business of mine.
JULIA: (Irony) And just what do you hope to achieve by spoiling our darling sister’s happiness?
AGRIPPINILLA: Frankly, I mean to spoil a lot more than her happiness. Drusilla is dead weight on my shoulders. I have no choice but to remove her.
JULIA: Do you really want to marry Caligula?
AGRIPPINILLA: I want to share his power. If I must begin by sharing his bed, then so be it. And don’t pretend you’re not completely in agreement.
JULIA: (playfully) Oh, I think I’ll cede my claim after all. I know better than to squabble with you, Pina. You’ve inherited great-grandmother’s chest of poisons.
AGRIPPINILLA: I haven’t, actually. But that’s no matter. Toxins are easily come by, if you know where to look. There is only one thing that troubles me.
JULIA: It wouldn’t be your conscience.
AGRIPPINILLA: Caligula may be delirious, but he has the keenest mind for intrigue that I’ve ever observed. If it comes to tragedy, he’ll spare no effort in hunting down the culprit.
JULIA: Then you must be sure to cover your tracks thoroughly. I suppose you mean to tamper with her food?
AGRIPPINILLA: It’s a proven method— and simple as anything. No one will expect the emperor’s favorite to fall dead at his own table.
JULIA: Will you blame one of those ghastly freedmen? There’s a certain oaf of a fellow who makes me shiver all over. He looks like a murderer through and through.
AGRIPPINILLA: It will never do. We require a suspect with a definite motivation. Say, for instance, a jealous husband.
JULIA: I just knew you’d set your sights on Marcus Lepidus. It’s an inspired choice. Caligula will positively relish signing the death sentence.
AGRIPPINILLA: A path is only clear after all the obstacles have been put away. Once I’ve displaced that pair of fools, I’ll rush to poor brother’s side and set little Lucius on his knee.
JULIA: Your Lucius isn’t a terribly attractive child, is he? Perhaps he’ll improve with age.
AGRIPPINILLA: My Lucius will be adopted by his uncle and raised as the future emperor. In the meantime, I’ll keep his claim secure.
JULIA: You are taking a risk. If Caligula should have a child of his own—
AGRIPPINILLA: Three wives and all the prostitutes in Rome haven’t been able to bear my brother a child. I dare say the seed is rotten.
JULIA: Perhaps it is. You certainly can’t accuse him of lacking enthusiasm.
AGRIPPINILLA: That enthusiasm will work in my favor. It will make one more proof of the emperor’s unfitness to rule. And one more reason why poor, impressionable Marcus Lepidus should attempt to do him in. For the safety of Rome, of course.
JULIA: Oh, of course. What else?
SCENE III.
NARRATOR: The emperor’s private rooms were drenched in a darkness so profound that Marcus Lepidus could barely see without screwing up his eyes. Hesitantly he addressed himself to a hazy column of shadow.LEPIDUS: You asked for me, Caesar?
CALIGULA: Quiet! I have not finished preparing myself.
LEPIDUS: Preparing yourself?
CALIGULA: My eyes, you know, want time to adjust after glimpsing the blinding shades of divinity. (recognition) Ah, Marcus! This constant secrecy is a terrible weight on me…
LEPIDUS: Your worship has not taken pains to conceal the transformation.
CALIGULA: (irritated) Naturally, I haven’t concealed it from you. The changes working in me are too noticeable. You heard Pina this afternoon.
LEPIDUS: She’s a shrewd one, alright.
CALIGULA: Still, I can’t bring myself to feel warmly towards her. She’s always been too much of a bully. Like my grandmother, but more extravagant.
LEPIDUS: Extravagance is to be expected in the first family of the empire.
CALIGULA: Yes, yes, but Pina is such a greedy nature, always reaching out her hands for more. It’s only gotten worse since her little brat came along. (suddenly gleeful) I’ll tell you a secret, Lepidus. Pina’s son will never be my heir. He’ll never lead Rome.
LEPIDUS: Have you consulted an augur?
CALIGULA: I’ve consulted my own tastes. I do have some say in the matter, you know.
LEPIDUS: (suggestively) What, may I ask, does Caesar think of his youngest sister, the Lady Julia?
CALIGULA: You’re a sly old man, Lepidus. You like to throw me off the scent. Soon enough you will be pleading your own suit. My lord, you will say, I am quite prepared to wed you myself! Devil take it, my dear, I could almost accept. Certainly my great-uncle Tiberius would have jumped at the chance to possess you.
LEPIDUS: (stiffly) I am pleased to see divinity has not diminished your rich sense of humor.
CALIGULA: But we were talking of Julia. Poor, witless Julia. Now this one gives me pause. Of course, she’s loads more pleasant than Pina.
LEPIDUS: Pretty of face, too.
CALIGULA: All three of my sisters rival that harlot Venus in beauty. I often wonder whether the goddess didn’t play some secret part in their conception.
LEPIDUS: I wouldn’t be surprised. Julia in particular—
CALIGULA: Still going on about Julia, are we? Lepidus, my friend! I can’t understand you at all. What man lusts after bronze when he already boasts all the gold in the world? You’d better take care. I have half a mind to warn Drusilla.
LEPIDUS: There is no need, Caesar. Drusilla and I understand each other perfectly.
CALIGULA: Of course, I’d be taking it on the chin. She only married you at my request. If it turns out that you are a disappointment—
LEPIDUS: (shortly) It will not turn out that way. You misunderstand.
CALIGULA: Kindly don’t interrupt me. Your petty thoughts are nothing compared to mine. Drusilla never interrupts me that way.
LEPIDUS: Drusilla likes to indulge her noble brother.
CALIGULA: (sinister) For once you’ve got it right. Your exquisite wife indulges me in everything— and I do mean everything. She would make a very obliging empress.
LEPIDUS: I suppose she will soon receive her own visit from Jove.
CALIGULA: Under no circumstances. That villain won’t be allowed to have his way with her. As far as I’m concerned, there are already too many claimants to my sister’s charms. Remember that, Lepidus, won’t you?
SCENE IV.
NARRATOR: As might be expected, Marcus Lepidus came away from his interview with the emperor drowning in jealousy, and indignant beyond words. His usually dormant sense of civic virtue was piqued by a very personal, very powerful hatred. Increasingly he felt himself drawn to accept Agripinilla’s promises of retribution. They met in secret, accompanied by the flippant and alluring Julia Livilla.AGRIPPINILLA: I must say, Lepidus, you have a ghastly pallor. Feeling unwell today?
LEPIDUS: (sullen) I have been unwell since the death of Tiberius.
AGRIPPINILLA: Denounce my brother all you like, but for god’s sake don’t make a martyr of that old lech.
LEPIDUS: I didn’t say it was our happiest moment. But Tiberius at least obeyed the proper forms. His godship kills at random, like a beast in the arena.
AGRIPPINILLA: I always knew it would come to this. Caligula was born under a bad star. From the very hour of his birth there were predictions of villainy and madness.
JULIA: If only Drusus had survived to supplant him– or Nero. Either of them would have made a far superior leader.
AGRIPPINILLA: The righteous always die young— especially in Rome.
LEPIDUS: You mean they are killed by the wicked before they know how to protect themselves.
AGRIPPINILLA: Precisely. And now we are left to gather the broken shards. A family of women, an infant boy, and doddering Uncle Claudius. I ask you, Marcus Lepidus, has it ever looked worse for the posterity of the empire?
LEPIDUS: None would envy us our circumstances.
JULIA: (hinting) Oh, how desperately we stand in need of a really heroic man!
AGRIPPINILLA: Caligula is a danger unto himself. To be frank, I grow more fearful with every passing day. It’s only a matter of time before my brother abandons us to the barbarian hordes.
JULIA: Isn’t there anything to be done, Marcus? I think sometimes that we might as well surrender.
LEPIDUS: (decisively) There can be no surrender. Your snake of a brother is obviously unqualified to rule. He must be removed with all haste.
JULIA: Oh, but do you really think it is possible?
LEPIDUS: Julia Livilla, I am too much of a patriot to stand idly by as that madman turns Rome into his personal pleasure park.
JULIA: How nobly he talks! We haven’t known true nobility for ages.
LEPIDUS: I will, however, make one thing clear. You ladies have heard me pronounce some very rash and dangerous words. If it is your secret plan to accuse me of treason—
AGRIPPINILLA: Stop right there, Marcus Lepidus. I thought perhaps you would mistrust us. Of course, you’re only right to be cautious. Dozens die every day on account of my brother’s paranoia. But we must be willing to risk our own ruin. If only for poor Drusilla’s sake…
LEPIDUS: (uneasy) What about Drusilla?
AGRIPPINILLA: Isn’t it plain? The dear child will be strong-armed into a vile marriage with her own brother. You of all people should desire to rescue her.
LEPIDUS: Of course I will rescue her. I must rescue her. She is my legal wife, not the emperor’s concubine. He can boast all he wants about their intimacy.
AGRIPPINILLA: It’s nothing short of revolting.
LEPIDUS: So you agree with me! You’ve heard how viciously he mocks and taunts–
AGRIPPINILLA: Yes, yes, I’ve heard everything. Only we can’t go on chattering the whole day long. The fire of vengeance must not be expelled all in a moment.
LEPIDUS: (anxiously) If you’re really serious about what you say, Agripinilla, then we have little time to waste. There are matters of grave importance… we must talk–
AGRIPPINILLA: Whenever you like. I’m always at your disposal.
NARRATOR: And with a quick, decisive step, the elder sister turned and strode from the room, never stopping to glance back. Left alone with Marcus Lepidus, Julia felt herself flush bright red. If not for her consuming passion, she might have noticed the half-silhouette of an eavesdropper, perched just out of sight.
JULIA: And what about me, Marcus dear?
LEPIDUS: You?
JULIA: Don’t you want to talk to me?
LEPIDUS: Certainly I do. It’s high time we have a moment alone.
JULIA: There are no end of opportunities. I think you are too modest.
LEPIDUS: For what it’s worth, Julia, I recommended you very strongly to the emperor.
JULIA: That’s just beastly of you.
LEPIDUS: I thought you’d take it as a compliment. I was supporting your bid for empress.
JULIA: (sulky) You weren’t doing anything of the kind. No one but Drusilla matters to you.
LEPIDUS: Naturally Drusilla matters to me. A year of marriage has made us very fond of each other. But it wasn’t exactly a love match, you know.
JULIA: Then why do you act so jealously towards Caligula?
LEPIDUS: It’s the principle of the matter. I cannot permit a wife of mine to commit such terrible indecencies. Besides, I would feel compelled to protect any woman from that tyrant’s clutches.
JULIA: What about protecting me?
LEPIDUS: Frankly, lady, I should like to do more than protect you. Fate has been terribly kind to your man Vinicius.
JULIA: Don’t pretend you haven’t heard the rumors. Vinicius and I hardly see each other.
LEPIDUS: (simply) One never can tell with gossip. Though in this case I’m pleased to find that the slanderers got it right.
JULIA: (hesitant) You won’t feel guilty around Drusilla?
LEPIDUS: Drusilla has plenty of her own sins to feel guilty for. The emperor likes to boast about their passion. Apparently it's quite thrilling.
JULIA: Look on the bright side, darling. Soon he’ll have no breath to talk.
LEPIDUS: It’s not the talking that bothers me.
SCENE V.
NARRATOR: Hours elapsed and the purple glow of evening settled upon the new palace. Weighed down by regret and dismay, Drusilla was carefully preparing her speech. She meant to inform her brother of the wicked plots unfolding all about him. If she did not take the proper tone, something very dreadful was liable to happen. It was not her intention to ruin Lepidus and Agripinilla, both of whom she loved implicitly. Only, she loved Caligula more.CALIGULA: (airily) Drusilla my pet! What do you think? I’ve just given orders for the construction of twelve new statues. Great towering things, made from the finest marble in all Italy. They’ll be the crowning glory of this wretched city.
DRUSILLA: It will require a great deal of labor. I guess you’ve consulted your advisors about the cost?
CALIGULA: Oh, what do I care for cost? There are always ways of making more money.
DRUSILLA: It’s too bad the senators are not so optimistic. They seem to think that you are squandering all the contents of the privy purse.
CALIGULA: What a lot of whining children! I might draw from the purse every now and then, but I always refill it. Rome is simply teeming with wealthy men.
DRUSILLA: I don’t suppose many of them want to be parted from their fortunes.
CALIGULA: Of course they don’t, the egoists. But a dead man can’t do much with his change. (wickedly) Sometimes I even take the coin off the tongue.
DRUSILLA: It’s very naughty of you. How do you expect them to pay their way across the Styx?
CALIGULA: I should think that’s the ferryman’s business.
DRUSILLA: (wary) Brother… I fear that you have become rather capricious of late.
CALIGULA: Are you criticizing me, Drusilla?
DRUSILLA: Not in so many words. Of course, I understand your recent behavior perfectly. But there are others who are not so enlightened.
CALIGULA: You are very good to worry for my safety.
DRUSILLA: (seizing upon it) Yes, in fact, I am worried—
CALIGULA: Please, my dear, you musn’t give yourself the trouble. I have my books, you know, the books that Macro keeps for me. One step out of line and a name gets taken down. Do you know what happens to those names, darling? They’re blotted out of existence.
DRUSILLA: But there are plotters lurking in every corner. Members of your own family—
CALIGULA: (abruptly) Who do you mean?
DRUSILLA: Julia, for instance, I heard—
CALIGULA: Julia! That little flirt! Now, you needn’t waste a thought on Julia. She’s much too busy coaxing strangers into her bed.
DRUSILLA: (anxiously) But she has allied herself with Pina and… and with my husband, too.
CALIGULA: Poor pet! You must have more confidence in your emperor. Not one of those spineless fools is a match for my immortal power. I invite Agripinilla to do her worst. Her lovely neck will look ravishing against the executioner’s blade. And as for Marcus Lepidus, there isn’t a bigger coward in all of Rome. He would kiss my feet if I asked… perhaps I will ask—tonight, for a bit of fun…
DRUSILLA: Are you quite sure he isn’t capable-
CALIGULA: He isn’t capable of anything. You know that better than anyone. Now enough make believe! I’m no longer in the mood. We will talk of more pleasant things. My statues, for instance. Well, don’t you want to hear about them?
DRUSILLA: (weary) You may talk of whatever you like, brother. So long as you are untroubled, then so am I.
CALIGULA: I have designed these new pieces for your special pleasure, Drusilla. There is one of us together. I am to wear my triumphal dress like the great god Mars, and you will be my Venus.
DRUSILLA: Do you suppose the people will approve?
CALIGULA: They will be stricken to their knees with awe.
DRUSILLA: What a flattering notion. We must only hope that Venus is pleased!
CALIGULA: Why shouldn’t she be? You lack none of her virtues. Think of it! You even have your own Vulcan.
DRUSILLA: (laughter) Pity he doesn’t limp like old Claudius! Otherwise he’s perfect for the role.
CALIGULA: (laughter cont.) Of course, I could always throw him from a mountaintop, if you think it would do the trick…
SCENE VI.
NARRATOR: Once again the conspirators spoke in hushed tones. Pacing swiftly back and forth, Agripinilla was a picture of elegance and vigor.AGRIPPINILLA: Everything is to be prepared in advance. I will even hide the weapon– under the carpet by his bed. You must only take it up and strike.
LEPIDUS: What of my wife? You might be aware, she has a vile habit of lying with him most nights.
AGRIPPINILLA: (darkly) Don’t worry about Drusilla. She will be looked after.
LEPIDUS: How do you mean?
AGRIPPINILLA: What a persistent man you are, Marcus Lepidus! Such a scrupulous mind for details. I mean that one of my women will divert Drusilla’s attention. She won’t find it strange. The poor girl receives dozens of petitioners by the hour.
LEPIDUS: (considering) It could work. Of course I will need to contrive my own excuse for missing dinner.
AGRIPPINILLA: Perhaps you’ve taken ill.
LEPIDUS: Will he believe it?
AGRIPPINILLA: My brother is a narcissist of the highest renown. He doesn’t care very much who attends him, so long as they clap and grovel at the appropriate moments. Your absence will go unnoticed. I hope that does not offend you.
LEPIDUS: To put it bluntly, Agripinilla, your brother’s very existence offends me.
AGRIPPINILLA: You and every other decent person in Rome.
LEPIDUS: One last thing. I can’t spend hours lurking about in his rooms.
AGRIPPINILLA: Naturally. That sort of carelessness could only invite exposure. I will alert you to take up your position when the time is right.
LEPIDUS: Very well. It is in your hands, then.
AGRIPPINILLA: But you must be constantly on your guard. My message could arrive at any time.
LEPIDUS: Believe me, I will think of nothing else until the fated moment arrives.
AGRIPPINILLA: I sincerely hope you mean what you say. False bravery is worse than cowardice.
NARRATOR: With a confident step Julia strode into the room. She glanced from her sister to Lepidus and smiled knowingly.
JULIA: Poor Marcus. Don’t let her browbeat you. There isn’t a more pedantic woman in all of Italy.
AGRIPPINILLA: That’s unkind, sister.
JULIA: Oh but you’re always coming after my little faults, no matter how hard I try to conceal them.
LEPIDUS: (grandly) It cannot be. I refuse to believe that you, Julia Livilla, have any faults worthy of the name.
JULIA: What gallantry!
AGRIPPINILLA: Gallantry or foolishness.
LEPIDUS: Ladies, you must excuse me. There are some affairs I must sort out. I will expect every moment to hear from you, Agripinilla.
JULIA: (suggestively) And from me, too.
NARRATOR: Left alone with her sister, Agrippinilla made a gesture of exasperation.
AGRIPPINILLA: Would it pain you very much to stop flirting with that man? It couldn’t be more obvious.
JULIA: Oh give it a rest, Pina. He’s not your husband, is he?
AGRIPPINILLA: That’s nothing. You can have Ahenobarbus for all I care. But I must warn you, he’s an old brute.
JULIA: (superior) Marcus Lepidus has always shown me great respect. More than any gentleman I’ve ever known.
AGRIPPINILLA: And so you will repay that respect by making an adulterer of him.
JULIA: What does it matter to you?
AGRIPPINILLA: I am merely concerned that your enticements will distract Lepidus from the task at hand. I’ve had to deal so carefully with him. And my plans are far from simple.
JULIA: Are they? I should think they’re nothing at all for a woman of your talents. Kill Drusilla, prevent our brother from being killed. Pin it all on poor Lepidus, who hasn’t got a clue.
AGRIPPINILLA: (aggravated) Why don’t you shout a bit louder?
JULIA: And I thought only Caligula was paranoid. I suppose it runs in the family. (a pause) When you do make your heroic intervention— just before the sword comes down— will you look Lepidus in the eye? Or will you be too busy crying crocodile tears?
AGRIPPINILLA: You better not have any foolish ideas–
JULIA: Oh, I won’t stand in your way. In fact, I expect to be paid very handsomely for my silence.
AGRIPPINILLA: Of course. It can be arranged.
JULIA: I am making a terrific sacrifice with Lepidus. I hope you know that. He’s one of the last really desirable men in Rome. Caligula’s killed everyone else.
AGRIPPINILLA: There will be other pleasures on offer. Perhaps brother and I will deify you. What do you say?
JULIA: (harried) Oh, I don’t know. It’s getting rather common. Everyone’s a god nowadays.
SCENE VII.
NARRATOR: Several days later, Drusilla stood silently watching her husband as he stalked about their shared chambers. Marcus Lepidus wore an expression of hurry and impatience.DRUSILLA: Are you leaving again?
LEPIDUS: I’m afraid I must. A most remarkable case is coming to court this evening. Why do you ask?
DRUSILLA: (nonchalant) No reason in particular. It just occurred to me that we see very little of each other these days.
LEPIDUS: Surely that is no fault of mine. My official duties have kept me occupied, but no more than usual.
DRUSILLA: I thought my brother might be overworking you.
LEPIDUS: (sarcasm) As emperor, he has every right to use me as he sees fit.
DRUSILLA: Really, Marcus, I wish you wouldn’t take that tone.
LEPIDUS: Have I taken a tone?
DRUSILLA: You speak so formally with me, as if I wasn’t to be trusted.
LEPIDUS: (lightly) My dear, what perfect nonsense! I can’t imagine where you picked up such an absurd idea.
DRUSILLA: I don’t pick up my ideas from anyone— least of all from Caligula.
LEPIDUS: Who mentioned Caligula?
DRUSILLA: It is on his account that you treat me coldly. You are convinced that I sneak and spy and apprise him of your every word!
LEPIDUS: I’m convinced that your intimacy with Gaius Caesar is beyond the pale. You afford him familiarities that should be reserved for your lawful husband.
DRUSILLA: I will not be slandered by you, Marcus. Already half of Rome desires to muddy my name. Must you join their vile cause?
LEPIDUS: Never mind. Do just as you like. It will all come out in the wash, anyway.
DRUSILLA: I won’t pretend to know what that means.
LEPIDUS: (sardonic) It’s only fair, my dear. You have your secrets and I have mine.
DRUSILLA: Oh please, Marcus, let’s leave off arguing for once. Argument has poisoned our life together, and our health, too. In fact, I’m going tomorrow evening to sacrifice. Perhaps the gods will take pity on my pounding head. Will you come along?
LEPIDUS: (suddenly evasive) No. I cannot tomorrow.
DRUSILLA: Why not? The augurs promise an auspicious day. For the sake of the family, it would be very prudent of us—
LEPIDUS: (harshly) I said I cannot. Anyway, it’s all a lot of superstition.
DRUSILLA: You’ve never strayed from proper piety before. What is so important about tomorrow? Is it another secret?
LEPIDUS: For heaven’s sake, Drusilla, we’ve only just made amends. Will you quarrel with me again?
DRUSILLA: (yielding) Very well. It isn’t my intention to pry. I hope, at least, you have accepted my brother’s invitation to dine tomorrow night.
LEPIDUS: I’m afraid I must refuse. I will make the emperor my personal apologies.
DRUSILLA: Strange. Pina has also begged off. (Gently) You know, Marcus, I happened to overhear—
LEPIDUS: What? What is it you’ve overheard?
DRUSILLA: (changing course) Oh, nothing of importance. Trifles, for the most part. But, all the same, dear, you ought to be cautious. My sister has a rare talent for persuasion. She can easily win support for the most improvident schemes.
LEPIDUS: I will keep that in mind.
DRUSILLA: It would so upset Caligula if he were to find out—
LEPIDUS: Ah! So that’s what you’re about. Protecting brother’s feelings…
DRUSILLA: This has nothing to do with my brother. I should never have mentioned him.
LEPIDUS: (after a moment) Don’t worry about Agrippinilla. I’m a match for her.
DRUSILLA: I only wish you would take care of yourself.
LEPIDUS: I promise to take care of us both.
DRUSILLA: Yes, alright. (nervously) And tomorrow… you still plan on missing dinner?
LEPIDUS: Why so fixated on tomorrow, love? It’s not the end of the world. If anything, it will be a new beginning.
NARRATOR: Drusilla gazed with interest at her husband’s glinting expression. Drop by drop the rosy color drained from her face. Three days passed in apparent tranquility, and all at once the fateful night arrived. As Caligula dawdled at the dinner table, Agripinilla stole into his rooms and hid herself in an unseen recess of the wall. Marcus Lepidus, she grimly observed, was nowhere to be found. As panic and frustration rippled over her, she suddenly drew back in alarm. Just outside, the emperor could be heard railing at one of his freedmen.
SCENE VIII.
CALIGULA: How very ill-mannered my friends were to leave me alone at dinner, with only a few nasty sword-fighters for company. Don’t you agree, Aedeus? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say they were all becoming a bit too familiar. Of course, it’s my own fault. I have such a terribly soft heart. Blame old Germanicus for that. Still, something must be done to inspire all those fools with a proper sense of terror. I’ll consult my Drusilla. The poor darling felt so badly about missing dinner. She’ll be longing for my company…NARRATOR: In her shaded hiding place, Agrippinilla was near to crying out in vexation. If Drusilla did not attend dinner, and Lepidus failed to present himself at the emperor’s chambers, then all was lost. There was no use clutching at the loose threads of a skein that had already unraveled. Softly, with infinite care, Agrippinilla crept towards an open door. The freedman Aedeus had exited some moments before, leaving Caligula alone in his rooms. She held her breath and stepped forward—
CALIGULA: Not another move! For gods’ sake if you move again, you miserable assassin, I will have my soldiers flay your limbs while they’re still attached. Guards! Guards, you wretched—
AGRIPPINILLA: (appeasing) Brother, my dear brother, calm yourself. It is only me.
CALIGULA: That’s hardly cause for relief.
AGRIPPINILLA: Please, brother. There is no need to bother with guards. I see now that I have disturbed you. Let me go—
CALIGULA: (coldly) Stay there, Pina. I don’t trust you anywhere else. You have been a devil since the day of your birth.
AGRIPPINILLA: You will call me a devil? My goodness, what delicious irony. I’ve never heard any better.
CALIGULA: First you threaten your emperor’s life, and then you abuse his name. I won’t have it. I will send my Germans after you—
AGRIPPINILLA: Darling brother! Caesar… you must please excuse me. I have such fond memories of our shared upbringing. It causes me to forget sometimes that you have made a great transformation. Your divinity is too grand for mere mortals to behold.
CALIGULA: (impatient) Oh, enough chattering. I’m already aware of my many virtues.
AGRIPPINILLA: (through gritted teeth) You will please forgive me for startling you.
CALIGULA: That’s the difficulty, Pina. I am no longer inclined to forgive anyone. My friends have started taking too many liberties. They advantage themselves of my better nature.
AGRIPPINILLA: How dreadfully you must suffer at their hands! Your excellency, only tell me who has insulted you, and I will take it upon myself to apprehend them. Though it was my own husband I would not hesitate to give evidence in any court you like. I’m quite a capable speaker, as you know–
CALIGULA: Oh, don’t try to distract me, you fool. Don’t think I’ll spare you for your pretty talk. You are a traitor and an enemy of the empire. What rotten nerve you must possess, to range your petty self against a living god! Or else… or else you don’t believe in my transformation? You’ve been lying to me, wagging that wretched little tongue–
AGRIPPINILLA: Never, your worship! I could never hope to deceive such a prodigious intellect as your own. I see that now.
CALIGULA: Hmm. A bit late, isn’t it? After you’ve been slithering about like a viper.
AGRIPPINILLA: (eagerly) But… but they are all vipers, Caesar— that is just what I’ve come to tell you. A hissing nest of vipers gathers around you. Lepidus—
CALIGULA: So you, too, will accuse my friend Marcus Lepidus! Funny thing. Drusilla seemed to think you were working with him.
AGRIPPINILLA: I would never take my chances in a plot against you, Caesar.
CALIGULA: Wouldn’t you? If it meant serving my head up on a plate? Speak frankly, now! Every lie you tell will be taken down with your own blood.
AGRIPPINILLA: Very well! Very well. I will make my admission. Though I can’t know how you’ll receive it…(feigning meekness) It is so very impudent of me to confess my love for you. When has a human woman ever managed to beguile a god like yourself? If anyone could, it would sooner be Drusilla than me. Her youthful beauty exceeds mine in every way.
CALIGULA: (credulous) You’re right, of course. Drusilla stands outside the realm of comparison. But don’t lose hope, Pina. You too have your merits.
AGRIPPINILLA: How generous you are, Caesar.
CALIGULA: For one thing, you have a very narcissistic character. That’s useful in a monarch. We must protect ourselves, you know. And your capacity for wickedness is almost above reproach. Would it disgust you very much to murder a man?
AGRIPINILLA: Excuse me, Caesar, but how do you know I haven’t already done it? With my own hands, even…
CALIGULA: (delighted) Marvelous. Simply marvelous!
AGRIPPINILLA: Now Drusilla is incapable of committing such deeds. She grows faint at the sight of blood, poor child.
CALIGULA: I have always considered it her only fault.
AGRIPPINILLA: Oh, no, Caesar. Not a fault, but a virtue. You see, she is something like an angel on earth. And it is our duty as brother and sister to forever preserve her in that state of innocence.
CALIGULA: It’s a very decent mind you have, Pina. I had quite forgotten. Do you know? I once laughed to think of you as empress… Lepidus knows— that coward Lepidus… but I have since begun to see matters in a new light. You have risen in my estimation.
AGRIPPINILLA: Oh, excellency. Permit me to kneel at your feet.
CALIGULA: As father of the country it is incumbent on me to act prudently. I must select a queen who will pummel her enemies with an iron fist. My Drusilla has always been delicate as a pearl… But you, Pina– you’re more shrewish than Juno herself.
AGRIPPINILLA: Caesar, I have no words… Your favor is overwhelming–
CALIGULA: (gleeful) One thing’s for certain. The vipers wouldn’t dare to bite you. Pina has her own poison, they would say. Better not take a drink of that! It kills on the instant. It kills with a single drop! Don’t you agree, Pina? Don’t you think I have it just…
NARRATOR: Suddenly the emperor stopped short. Out of the corner of his eye he spotted the faintest glitter of silver steel.
AGRIPPINILLA: Brother? Excellency, is something wrong?
NARRATOR: Concealed beneath the richly woven carpet, a jewel-encrusted dagger caught the candlelight and glimmered menacingly. The emperor inspected it with intense concentration, then turned slowly towards his sister. A bitter smile played upon his lips.
CALIGULA: You will die for this.
SCENE IX.
NARRATOR: The new residence on Palatine Hill was vast and tortuous as a maze. Far away from Agrippinilla and her brother, in another ornate suite of rooms, Marcus Lepidus perched on the edge of a gilded daybed. Hastily he struggled to dress as Julia Livilla looked on.LEPIDUS: As always, my dear Julia, you are very good to me.
JULIA: Such a gentleman. No wonder Drusilla respects you so.
LEPIDUS: (annoyed) For heaven’s sake, don’t talk of Drusilla just now. It’s hardly the place.
JULIA: How nervous you are, Lepidus! Is your conscience rankling you?
LEPIDUS: No, it isn’t that. And shouldn’t you use my given name? Under the circumstances—
JULIA: (languidly) Believe me, dear. The circumstances will expire long before you stop showing your face around here. It would be so inconvenient to change and change back again.
LEPIDUS: Yes. Yes, I suppose you’re right.
JULIA: You poor boy! Why do you turn all about like a prisoner on the run? Allow me to relax you.
LEPIDUS: (strained) No, I cannot. The fact is, Julia, I’ve been hoping for some time to take my leave.
JULIA: I trust that isn’t a reflection of my company.
LEPIDUS: Not at all. But I’ve sworn to Agripinilla that I would remain in my rooms all night.
JULIA: Oh, that. Nevermind Pina’s orders— she’s such a taskmaster. We ought to install her in the army.
LEPIDUS: Do understand. I cannot be away from my rooms any longer. The messenger might be knocking as we speak.
JULIA: (dismissive) Your precious messenger will be nose-deep in his wine cups right about now. As, no doubt, is my noble brother. They don’t get up from table for ages. And the freedmen imitate their superiors.
LEPIDUS: How can you be sure?
JULIA: You’ve seen the kind of entertainment that Caligula enjoys. It sooner resembles a satyr play than an imperial dinner. Mark my words. The sun will be high in the sky before your trap is sprung.
LEPIDUS: (anxiously) Kindly lower your voice!
JULIA: Oh, no one cares a jot about us. You’ve been listening too much to Pina. My sister can be such a bore— she’s forgotten what it means to live for pleasure.
LEPIDUS: Surely there are higher causes than pleasure. Don’t you think Agripinilla is right to target tyranny and injustice?
JULIA: If you want my opinion, it will be another two hundred years before justice comes back to Rome. In the meantime, we can only watch our backs and hope to avoid violent death.
LEPIDUS: (suspicious) You wouldn’t be watching the emperor’s back now, would you?
JULIA: Please. You underestimate the extent of my indifference. I don’t give a fig for that awful brother of mine. Kill him, don’t kill him, take him to bed if you like! It’s all the same to me.
LEPIDUS: Just so long as you don’t intend to stand in my way.
JULIA: If I meant to disrupt your all-important plans, I would have done so ages ago. You don’t see any chains lying around, do you? Even the door’s left unlocked… Try it if you don’t believe me!
LEPIDUS: I didn’t mean any offense. Only, I promised your sister—
JULIA: Oh, enough about my sisters! Pina and Drusilla can carve up the world for all I care. They can rule it together, side by side, and I’ll be perfectly happy just to be left alone. No one knows what a terrible burden I bear, always being pulled to and fro. Of course, that’s nothing to you.
LEPIDUS: Now, wait a bit. You mustn't grow upset. Probably you’re right about dinner.
JULIA: (light sarcasm) Probably.
LEPIDUS: You understand, I’m very anxious to make an end of this awful business. But in the meantime, I might as well stay…
JULIA: (mollified) Just lay yourself down again, Marcus Lepidus. My brother derives so much pleasure from inconveniencing others— why shouldn’t he make his assassins wait, too? I can hear him now— gushing about some wicked tale from Tiberius’ time. Well, let him have his fun. We’ll make our own.
NARRATOR: Even as Julia spoke these flippant words, her sister Agrippinilla was staring straight into the face of death. It took on the appearance of manic and frenzied Caligula, who wielded the jeweled dagger as he blazed furiously about the room.
SCENE X.
CALIGULA: (vicious) You lying, back-biting whore! I knew all along. From the moment you showed your miserable face, I knew there was a scheme in the works.AGRIPPINILLA: (frantic) Please, Caesar, you’ve got it wrong—
CALIGULA: I am never wrong! I am a living god and the greatest monarch this world has ever known. It will be a pleasure for me to spill your blood by the gallon.
AGRIPPINILLA: I am your sister, Caligula.
CALIGULA: Sisters have been betraying brothers since the dawn of time. You’ve seen it with your own eyes. Probably you’ve made an example of it.
AGRIPPINILLA: Think logically for a little minute! What good would it do me to betray you? I swear on my soul—
CALIGULA: You haven’t any soul to speak of.
AGRIPPINILLA: Then that makes two of us.
CALIGULA: (emphatically) For years Macro has been telling me to dispose of you. I ought to have listened. But now at last I will correct my lapse. I will do for you, and for your friend Lepidus. He’s sure to be hanging around somewhere. (calling) Come on out, Marcus Lepidus! We haven’t got all day.
AGRIPPINILLA: (bitterly) He isn’t here. I came to warn you about him, I—
CALIGULA: Not here, is he? Not slithering about like a vile snake?
AGRIPPINILLA: Please, brother. You are working yourself into a most unhealthy state. I’ll just go and have a word with your guard—
CALIGULA: (violently) You won’t leave this room alive! One more move, Pina, and you’ll be dead before your little accomplice crawls out of his hole. I thought I’d give you the pleasure of watching dear Marcus bleed himself dry. As the emperor’s sister, you are entitled to certain privileges. Hear that, Marcus? I do hope you’ve finished your warm-ups. You’re to be the main act in tonight’s spectacle.
AGRIPPINILLA: I swear on all that’s holy. He isn’t here. Probably he did intend to betray you, but—
CALIGULA: Quiet! Quiet. I can hear him breathing. I can smell his putrid coward’s sweat.
NARRATOR: Wildly the emperor careened about the room, slashing with his dagger at pillows, bedclothes and wall hangings. He seemed to see his enemy’s face multiplied a thousand times in every square inch of empty air.
CALIGULA: You know, Lepidus, it’s an honor to be executed by one’s emperor. (Struggling) It’s a great… ghastly… honor.
AGRIPPINILLA: Are you satisfied now? You’ve made the furniture tremble in fear.
CALIGULA: Don’t suppose I’ll change my mind, Pina. I’ll kill you just for sport. Like a dirty little fly— one swat will be enough. You’ll make a stain like a fly, too.
AGRIPPINILLA: (raggedly) Monster.
CALIGULA: Am I a monster? What do you say, Lepidus? It’s a terrible accusation. We’ll have to bring it before the senators. My esteemed friends the senators! Heaven knows how much I value their talents. The drunkards in the gutter are more fit to rule….
NARRATOR: Again Caligula began to manically swing his dagger about as Agrippinilla quivered with fear. His movements, like his voice, possessed a mad theatricality.
CALIGULA: (deliriously) You fancy yourself emperor, Lepidus? You fancy yourself… father of the country? Rotten backstabber!
NARRATOR: Viciously the emperor ripped curtains and hangings from the wall, kicking at the fallen material like enemy corpses. His blade was mere inches from a rich sliver of tapestry when suddenly a wild look came into Agrippinilla’s eyes.
AGRIPPINILLA: Brother! Brother, wait—
NARRATOR: With one savage stroke, he plunged the dagger through gold and silver cloth— straight into Drusilla’s tender, unprotected flesh. Gasping, she fell away from the tapestry, where she had secretly hid herself, desperate to rescue her beloved brother from his would-be assassins. Now she lay prostrate on the floor, bleeding profusely from a wound in her stomach. Speechless and pale Caligula collapsed beside her. Half a dozen imperial guards could barely prevent him from running himself through with the same jeweled dagger. In the following days, while Drusilla lay deathly ill and the grieving emperor sat at her side, Lepidus was charged with treason and summarily executed. Drowning in fear, Agrippinilla and Julia awaited word of their own fates, which they could only hope would be kinder.
The Importance of Arts, Culture & The Creative Process
As a playwright and, more generally, a creative writer, I have always gravitated towards pieces that intelligently combine different genres, disciplines, and temporal moments. Art which breaks down boundaries and creates new conventions is an important product of any culturally-rich society. While working for the Creative Process, I have been lucky enough to engage closely with the ideas and methodologies of artists who value precisely this kind of innovative, experimental work. I have also become more intensely aware of the rich connective tissue that links a wide range of scholarly and creative fields-- there is artistry to be found in everything from theater, jazz, and landscape art to the biological sciences, mathematics, and environmental humanities. It is imperative, in my opinion, that we understand the common search for truth and purpose that unites all of these discreet vocations. The ultimate act of creativity must be an act of synthesis. As I craft my plays and stories, I work hard to attain an holistic, all-inclusive view of human life and society. I combine historical scenarios with the real present, scientific inquiry with spiritual seeking, and musical dialogue with sharp, intuitive silences. I try to write pieces which are open to different receptions and interpretations. After all, the creative process doesn't stop when a work reaches publication or performance; it continues on eternally, in the heart of every audience member, and the mind of every scholar and critic.
This one-act play was inspired in large part by Robert Graves' wildly acclaimed 'Claudius' novels of the 1930s. Graves famously layered 20th century language and sensibilities on top of a classical narrative filled to brimming with battle histories and mythological allusions. 'I, Claudius' and 'Claudius the God' are essentially experiments in literary elasticity-- they dispute conventional boundaries of time and space to brilliant effect. My play attempts to take this project one step further. It is a three-layered reception study, in which the 1st, 20th, and 21st centuries alternately clash and cohabitate. Without doubt, my collaborations with the Creative Process have played a pivotal role in my development as a confident, risk-taking writer. The artists featured in the Podcast's episodes are constantly showing me how to balance fidelity to existing forms against a strong commitment to innovation.
Donna Sanders is a playwright, musician, and academic based in New York. She recently received her Bachelor's and Master's degrees from Columbia University. Her scholarly interests include 19th-20th century American and global fiction, theories of the novel, the Southern Gothic, and intersections between religion and literature. Donna is a prize-winning playwright committed to crafting elegant and thought-provoking stories of human life over the centuries. Her plays, essays and other creative works have been featured in various outlets, including Arts Management Magazine, the MODA Critical Review, the Columbia Journal of Literary Criticism, and CUES Journal. She has been a collaborator with the Creative Process since April 2023.
