Three Musketeers by Emani Clifford

“Since, according to me, your life is going to be a
gradual process of becoming kinder and more loving:
Hurry up. Speed it along. Start right now. There’s a confusion
in each of us, a sickness, really: selfishness. But there’s also a cure.”
―GEORGE SAUNDERS
Congratulations, by the way: Some Thoughts on Kindness

INNER CITY STORIES

They're my three musketeers

And I'm the leader

An insecure, useless, ex-cheerleader

-

One, two, and nine

All too young to fall in line

But that part's up to me

Everything will be just fine

-

But I can’t stay forever

I have to try and live my life

Will I be gone for long? Never

I have to do what’s right

-

Maybe I’ll end up with empty hands

But I won’t break down under the force

I’ll help them as long as I can

Even if my voice turns cracked and hoarse

-

I can’t leave them

So I won’t

You can’t try to help me

So just don’t

-

They’re my musketeers

I love them more than myself

If I can give them a life worth living

I’ll hang my needs up on a shelf

Thoughts of a Teenage Girl by Justyce Grant

INNER CITY STORIES

Warm days

Cold nights

“Don’t put up a fight, baby girl

This is life

You look very nice

I’m only sixteen

Yes, I’m mean

But I’m just tryin’ to chase my dream

Baby girl, I got you, don’t worry about a thing

Just close your eyes

I promise I won’t lie”

At this point, I just want to die

Fighting to stay alive

I cry inside

“Baby girl, you ready?

I’ll be fast and steady”

He asked if I was ready

But do I even have a choice?

His hands were cold

And a little moist

I blacked out through the rest

Woke up and my hair was a mess

I had a couple of bruises on my chest

And scratch marks all over my breasts

But that’s the wave

I’ll be okay

Now maybe he’ll stay

Head Splitter by Guillermo Burgos

“The bullet is already in the brain; it won’t be outrun forever,
or charmed to a halt. In the end it will do its work and leave
the troubled skull behind, dragging its comet’s tail
of memory and hope and talent and love
into the marble hall of commerce.” 
― TOBIAS WOLFF, "Bullet in the Brain"

INNER CITY STORIES

Hands up! Hands up! Don't let me catch you with yah hands down!

One shot , two shots, pop pop and then a man's down.

Homeboy I suggest that you just stand down,

I keep the hand cannon on my waist in case a brother got the hands now.

Put the cash in the bag don't get me riled up.

Bouta half hour ago I flipped the henny vials up.

Bouta half hour ago I took six swift hits off a thick spliff, now I'm a mile up.

I hit the kill switch, leave your body in a ditch and I'm all smiles bruh.

See, where I'm from it's easier to sell rock than to sell yourself to an employer.

Big brothers selling their little sisters’ bodies to pay the lawyer.

To keep it a stack, sometimes I wish I could go back,

Worry more about studying than getting lit off the loud pack.

I would stand in the library, and flip pages in the books,

Before I stand where it's real scary and flip hard for the crooks.

But it's too late for that, I need you to open up the register,

Say hello to my friend, his nickname is head-splitter.

Anxiety Monster by Jamie Kelly

“Even if I get up and do a routine that goes from
enjoyment to anxiety – it always feels like something
is happening for the first time.”
–ETGAR KERET

INNER CITY STORIES

Anxiety is something that is really hard to deal with. Every day I wake up and things are difficult. Tests stress me out more than anything and talking to people in simple conversation is the worst. Anxiety disorder is a real thing and it is a real hard thing.

Anxiety was the worst for me in sixth grade because of the new school and not knowing anyone there. It was hard to make friends so in sixth grade I only talked to about five different people, or at least tried to. That is not me. I'm not a shy person. I am a confident person, but there is this little monster sitting on my shoulder. Sometimes he is so huge that I can't stand up because he is pushing me down, and sometimes he is so small and I feel so strong that I can say anything. This monster has devilish red eyes and claws that dig into my heart and soul on the worst days. High school has definitely made this monster a little larger. The hallways are the worst for me because I hope that no one will talk to me or crowd me too much. But then I think stupid things like, "Oh no one would talk to you anyways because you're not cool." That's the anxiety monster taking over my thoughts for sure.

It’s almost like this devil sitting on my shoulder takes over my body. He talks for me. He acts for me. Sometimes he even writes for me. I let him take over because I am too scared to go against him. I physically can’t control this devil and it is really frustrating. He gets so big that he literally weighs me down. It feels like I can’t get up or do anything and it feels like I’m not in control. I don’t tell people about this because he would never let me, but it is getting really hard to handle him on my own. He is growing up. He is getting stronger. Sometimes I feel like he must be going to the gym because he is as strong as Zeus. He used to be easy to control but these days I feel like a kitten fighting a bull. It’s just not working.

Her Name Was Joann by Meadow Root

“When the dead departed, they took away any falsehoods
that they might have allowed us to believe while alive;
we who are left behind have to embark on a different life,
since the dead are no longer here to help us deceive ourselves.” 
― YIYUN LI, "Alone"

INNER CITY STORIES

She was perfect. Her hair was the prettiest shade of deep red, getting lighter in the sun but changing as soon as you looked at her. Her hair reminded me of apples on a summer’s afternoon, perfect. Her eyes were more colorful than the depths of the ocean; they got better and better the more you’d look.

She told me everything with her eyes. Her freckles were prettier than the stars in the night's sky; each day it seemed as if she had another one. Her freckles reflected flowers in a meadow; the longer you looked the more there were.

Her clothes seemed to scream how she was feeling inside. If she were sad, she’d wear bright colors to distract herself. If she were happy, she’d wear blue to reflect her eyes; if she were mad, she’d wear black to comfort herself. On rainy days, her eyes were crystal blue, telling the best of her stories. On sunny days they were a deep, deep blue, mirroring the sky. Cloudy days were my favorite; her eyes were a faded dark blue, not deeply or lightly colored.

She always seemed to fix her hair differently from the last time, she’d have it in a bun, a ponytail, a braid, or just lying upon her shoulders; she’s done so little to it but it always seemed like so much. Her skin was a ghostly peach, it always looked perfect, not a single blemish in sight. She always looked beautiful, when she tried and when she didn’t.

Her freckles stretched from ear to ear across her face; they looked like leaves floating upon a lake. Her arms and chest were densely covered with little areas of freckles, she was the night sky decorated with stars. I could look at them endlessly, and they’d look better by the second. She always seemed to mesmerize me with all of her amazing colors. Her blue eyes, her deep red hair, her light brown freckles, and her ghostly colored skin.

On summer nights we’d go downtown on our skateboards to get ice cream and coffee. On our way back, we’d eat all of our ice cream and drink our coffee bit by bit. She’d always mix her coffee and ice cream, it was funny how it’d always get on her nose.

Sometimes at dusk, we would climb up to the roof and gaze up at the stars as they appeared before our eyes. She was always fascinated by the stars, I was always distracted by the reflections of the stars in her eyes. Each star that reflected in her eyes seemed to belong there, her starry eyes always seemed to glisten in the moonlight, and she always seemed to be awed by the different patterns of the stars. She always talked about how she wanted to live among them.

We spent most of our summer nights staying up until 4 AM, talking about the first thing that would come to our minds. Our summer afternoons consisted of having our “breakfast/lunch” at our favorite restaurant. Making our way back home along the streets filled with happy kids playing hide and seek, we would make friends with all the neighborhood’s dogs.

Every once in a while, I’d fill my pockets up with dog food to give them. She always hated when I did that because then the dogs would “betray” her. But she was always so happy to play with them.

These are the last vivid memories I have of her, I’ll never forget them. Later that summer, she “passed”. I was left all alone. She died from mixing the wrong pills together by accident; I wish I had been there. A few days later was her wake; she looked so different. Her deep red hair was almost black, her skin was nearly white, her freckles might have been the only lasting color upon her, and her changing blue eyes were hidden under her eyelids.

I was traumatized by seeing this; I can barely look anyone in the eyes after that. I’m scared of forgetting her, but I’m too sad to remember her. I’ll never forget how she looked, or how she dressed, but I’ve forgotten how she sounded. I’ll never be able to see the people in my life the same way again. I all I can say is that she never ceased to amaze me.

Her name was Joann.

All He Wrote by Brandon Nicholson

“I was so alone that every day was like eating my own heart.”
― JUNOT DÍAZ

INNER CITY STORIES

It’s just me, myself, and don’t forget I

So I keep on riding until the day I die

Because all I got is me for life

Never need any hand to hold

Even when it’s cold

Because I’ve got that restless fire deep down in my soul

You wanna leave my life and then come back

So screw all of you – I’ve changed since the past, ditched all that

Nowadays I just do what I wanna do

Just worry about my life – and you should too

My heart tries to tell me I have many friends

But my brain replies that I only have a few

How about you hop off the track, and get off my back

Before I let go my mack, and begin to attack

Late in the night when it all goes black

When I flip the page and assemble my pack

You and your weak crew can just stay on the rack

While I step up and demonstrate you’re all just whack

You all can step back and forget the feedback

Don’t try bringin’ me down with the words you lack

Because I’ll be right there with the quick comeback

It’s just me, myself, and I

Ridin’ solo until the day I die

‘Cause all I got is just me for life

Never need anybody’s hand to hold, even when it’s cold

I’ve got that fire burnin’ deep in my soul

Don’t need no prompt to play my part

I’ve got an eternal flame burnin’ in my heart

It keeps me alive, keeps me feelin’ satisfied,

The music takes me flyin’, fills my soul every single time

Yeah, I’m goin’ solo on this mission

Don’t need your approval or permission

I’m hard to figure, just like a magician

So sit back and listen, just play your position

No need for any doubts or suspicion

Who you think these lyrics are dissin’?

I can do this myself, no need for transition

I’ve got the words, I earn my commission

So please don’t try to call me on my phone

I’ve learned to survive livin’ all alone

Not hangin’ my head low like I’ve been disowned

The power of my words is all I condone

I wear their fragrance just like expensive cologne

Someday I’ll carve them on my gravestone

While I’m bumpin’ underground, boppin’ to my earphones

Sayin’ hey, it’s about time I reached this milestone

I don’t need you around anymore

I’ve learned to fight all alone in this shaky civil war

Find someone else to gather flowers for

You all can make life choices like kids in a candy store

Meantime I’m living to the max until I die

Never feel hesitation, lettin’ myself fly high

Only worry for three people – me, myself, and I

G-Easy: Me, Myself, and I (Remix) by Brandon Nicholson

INNER CITY STORIES

It’s just me, myself, and don’t forget I

So I keep on riding until the day I die

Because all I got is me for life

Never need any hand to hold

Even when it’s cold

Because I’ve got that restless fire deep down in my soul

You wanna leave my life and then come back

So screw all of you – I’ve changed since the past, ditched all that

Nowadays I just do what I wanna do

I just worry about my life – and how about you, do you?

My words say I’ve got many friends

But my brain says I have a few

How about you hop off the track, and hop off my back

Before I let my mack, go berserk and attack

Late in the night when it all goes black

When I flip the page and assemble my pack

You and your weak crew can just stay on the rack

While I step up and demonstrate you’re all just whack

You all can step back and forget the feedback

Don’t try bringin’ me down with the words you lack

Because I’ll be right there with the quick comeback

It’s just me, myself, and I

Ridin’ solo until the day I die

‘Cause all I got is just me for life

Never need anybody’s hand to hold, even when it’s cold

I’ve got that fire burnin’ deep in my soul

Don’t need no prompt to play my part

I’ve got an eternal flame burnin’ in my heart

It keeps me alive, keeps me feelin’ satisfied,

The music takes me flyin’, fills my soul every single time

Yeah, I’m goin’ solo on this mission

Don’t need your approval or permission

I’m hard to figure, just like a magician

So sit back and listen, just play your position

No need for any doubts or suspicion

Who you think these lyrics are dissin’?

I can do this myself, no need for transition

I’ve got the words, I earn my commission

So please don’t try to call me on my phone

I’ve learned to survive livin’ all alone

Not hangin’ my head low like I’ve been disowned

The power of my words is all I condone

I wear their fragrance just like expensive cologne

Someday I’ll carve them on my gravestone

While I’m bumpin’ underground, boppin’ to my earphones

Sayin’ hey, it’s about time I reached this milestone

I don’t need you around anymore

I’ve learned to fight all alone in this shaky civil war

Find someone else to gather flowers for

You all can make life choices like kids in a candy store

Meantime I’m living to the max until I die

Never feel hesitation, lettin’ myself fly high

Only worry for three people – me, myself, and I

Caught Up by Angelis Vergara

INNER CITY STORIES

They’ll never understand because they’ve never lived a day in your shoes. Everyone has a different view of life. We all see things differently. So why do they think that they can control me? They think that if they convince me to do something differently I’ll listen and be what they think I should be. I don’t listen to them. Instead of them going away they’ll come at me even harder, as if I did something wrong. They attack me with their words. Choking me phrase after phrase. Stuffing my brain with vowels they think will change me. They tell me that I need to try harder and that I’m not trying hard enough. No matter how much I try they will never understand me. As if they know who I am.

They think they know me so well they can read me inside out. When truthfully a stranger probably knows more about me than they do. How could I live every single day of my life with such people when I can’t even be myself around them? I honestly don’t know who I am around these inhabitants. Every single time I’m told to do something differently I’m constantly debating whether I should even consider it or not. They agitate my head, pestering me to be something I’m not. I feel as if my brain and body are working differently. My head is detached from my neck doing its own thing while my body is doing what they all want me to do. My very own thoughts are running off, scared that if they are heard they will be judged. My lips are sealed shut, aghast that the slightest divulgence by anyone else will shatter their confidence.  Any outlander besides me will never get the chance to interpret my thoughts. My body is locked up against any outside contact. To think that I let myself think it was okay to listen to them. Now more than ever I find myself caught up between the words that want to revise me deriving from this psychotic planet filled with foreigners who have no clue as to why they are even here. All they ever do is try to make this jumbled mess mashed into something “better”. They will never understand people like me. They will never know how it feels to be red in a room full of blues. They will always remain outsiders who try and change my life. They will ALWAYS be uncivilized bodies walking the face of the earth. We live in a world of nugatory DNA being pulled down by an invisible force. Yet the people who consider themselves scientists have so many “cures” for things that can’t be cured. Everyone wants to change something or someone whether it's good or bad. Everyone wants to make it big or be known for doing something good in this world. In the end we still think of different things. I’ll never understand them, just like they’ll never understand me. To them I’m an outcast instead of being just how they want me to be. In the end I just end up being caught up. Caught up whether I should be who they want me to be or whether I allow myself to become someone they will not like.

Social Media by Mykalah Souza

INNER CITY STORIES

What impact do social media have on people? That is the question people have been asking since social media was created, and it is the question that will continue to be asked for a very long time. Some effects of social media are obvious and often seen.

We have all heard about cases of cyberbullying. People being excessively and repeatedly mean to others without even having to talk to them in person. People have killed themselves because of people that they haven’t even met. A lot of the cyberbullies don’t care about the people they are bullying because a lot of them don’t see their victims in person. A lot of them don’t think that there will be a consequence for their actions. Cyberbullying is one awful consequence of the creation of social media.

A positive effect of social media is people who stay at home get a chance to be social. Someone who stays at home a lot, like me, can use social media to actually talk to people. Skype is one social media app where you can talk to people in group calls without having to give out any personal information. I spend a lot of time on skype and sometimes I play games with people while talking to them on skype. It makes me feel happy and less lonely without even having to leave the comfort of my own home. People are given the chance to make internet friends, which is amazing for people who can’t make friends in real life. I know I have internet friends from places like England and Australia and they tell me about their culture and their ways of life in the place they live. The people I meet online are really unique and interesting. Social media has allowed me to talk to some wonderful people.

Another effect is people can put themselves out there. On apps like Youtube, people can record themselves doing anything and upload it to the internet. Some youtubers become famous, like Pewdiepie. Pewdiepie aka Felix Kjellberg started uploading videos of him just playing video games and making funny commentary. He has millions of subscribers and makes a lot of money from it. He uses social media to get more people to follow him, satisfy his audience, and connect with his fans. Other youtubers like Danisnotonfire (Dan Howell), AmazingPhil (Phil Lester), Tyler Oakley, Joey Graceffa, and Shane Dawson started filming videos on Youtube and became internet famous. Some of them have their own movies, tv shows, and/or radio shows.

People sometimes use social media to procrastinate. I know I have planned to do homework and ended up going on social media for hours many times before. A lot of people spend their time looking at their Instagram feed, their Tumblr dashboard, their Twitter timeline, their Facebook home page, other people’s snapchat stories, or watching Youtube videos, watching Younow liveshows, watching Twitch broadcasts, or skyping with people. There are so many different things that people can do to procrastinate on social media. That causes numerous distractions, especially if your phone keeps buzzing every minute. It makes it impossible for some people to work.

Social media is a great tool to help you stay updated on what’s happening in the world. Events like terrorist attacks and natural disasters are put on social media. People hear about them. People retweet or reblog stuff to spread the word and possibly save someone’s life. The system is effective and efficient. A lot of my knowledge about the outside world is from the internet and social media. However, I do try to make sure that the information I receive is credible and actually true before I spread it to other people.

Social media is entertaining. People enjoy going on social media and seeing how other people live. I think it’s interesting and I spend a lot of time on social media, and I do feel like it has benefitted me. I feel more social and it helps me connect with my friends. Social media might give kids reasons to stay inside the house, but that isn’t a bad thing in certain places. In cities with a lot of crime, like New Britain, I think it’s good for kids to stay inside on social media, instead of exploring the dangerous outside world. But then again, I might just be trying to justify my own actions. Either way, social media clearly has its advantages and its disadvantages. It can help some people, but it can also harm other people. Even after hearing about the bad things about social media, I feel like it’s still fun and I will continue using it until it is no longer fun for me.