It was April 7th, 2012, a day that changed their entire lives. She was a beautiful person inside and out. She hadn’t had the best life, but she always tried to give her daughters the life she never had. She failed at times, but she raised some very successful, encouraging, strong and beautiful women. She grew up with nine other siblings, no father, a single mother, surrounded by drugs, and everything dark. All she ever knew was the streets. She never finished school, but she knew money like the back of her hand. She never learned English, but she was effortlessly fluent in the most beautiful language there is. She grew up in the streets, and like I said, that was all she knew. When she had children of her own that’s what she taught them too, but she also taught her four girls that they were not allowed to be like her. Her girls had it tough, just like she did, just not as bad. Some of her girls followed in their mother’s footsteps, but some of them didn’t think about anything else except escaping the darkness and beginning a new and better life, a brighter, happier one. Yes, there were bumpy roads along the way but they all made it out eventually, after intense struggle.

Her girls grew up around stepfathers, drugs, and disgusting men. But the mother was so blind to all that because she was stuck behind the shadow of what she already knew and had been imprinted onto her skin, or that is what it seemed like. Some of her daughters were touched inappropriately by those disgusting men, and sometimes it went even further that. But their mother was blinded by love. She wanted to be loved by a man who was obsessed with her.  She looked and looked but never found him. Well, I can’t say never. There was this tall, powerful man who wanted nothing but to take care of her, love her, cherish her, and not only her but her girls as well. The girls didn’t like him at first because they thought he’d be just like all the rest, but he proved them wrong.

By this time she had three gorgeous grandchildren. Then a couple years later the second youngest had her first baby. Then, not even a year, later he died suddenly. The second youngest daughter eventually told her second baby, a daughter, that her stepfather was my grandfather because her father was never in her life or her older sister’s life. She was truly blessed to have her little daughter, and so was the rest of the family. The same year that the second oldest lost her baby boy both of her younger sisters had babies. They are just as amazing as the rest of other babies. Their family began to grow more and more. By 2012 the family had grown to be huge. Little did they know that April 7th, 2012 would change all of their lives forever. Their mother died. She died after being struck by a car. The man who killed her had been working in one her grandchildren’s classroom. He had also worked in the same school as her second youngest daughter. The family members were all in shock. She had been in and out of hospitals due to her weak heart, her diabetes, and her numerous bone fractures. She was the strongest woman her family had ever known, and she was suddenly gone in the blink of an eye. She had been literally only five steps from safety on that sidewalk.

The crazy part is that it just gets worse as the years go by. Three months later the oldest daughter’s husband killed himself. Not only did the family lose two very important people, they lost two more very important people, although through death. They just lost themselves in the mix of tragedies they’d never thought they’d have to face. It was almost like they were all losing themselves in a never ending black hole of pain. I would know. I have experienced the pain. I have felt it for many years now. I have lost myself in the mix. Now I’ve decided to write about it. I am the second youngest daughter’s oldest daughter.

Grandparents

J.D. (my grandmother)

T.D. (my grandmother)

Daughters

Oldest: G.F. (my aunt)

2nd oldest: C.I. (my aunt)

2nd youngest: I.A. (my mom)

Youngest: S.D.(my aunt)

Grandchildren

M.C. (cousin)

S.F. (cousin)

C.D. (cousin)

Idaris (me, the oldest daughter)

K.P. (cousin)

N.A. (sister)

(there are way more but too many to name)

*EXTRA*

G.F. The oldest daughter’s husband (my uncle)